Link – Ten Steps of Acceptance – When Forgiveness Is Not An Option

ByMikeM Reading Time: 1 minute

“But what happens when the hurtful actions are repetitive and ongoing? Or, when the person who has acted wrongly is not willing (or able) to make meaningful amends? Or when the wronged person is not ready to forgive?

In these circumstances, argues Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, author of How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not To, genuine forgiveness can only take place when the onus of responsibility rests on the person who acted wrongly to earn forgiveness, and that, in certain situations, the best option for the person who was mistreated or betrayed is to have the freedom to not forgive, and to instead turn to the healing power of acceptance, one of four approaches to forgiveness.”

I know forgiveness is a difficult topic for many survivors. I’ve never been a big fan of the way most of us understand “forgiveness”, because it’s simply not a viable option for anyone who’s been abused. I choose other ways of understanding forgiveness, which is a little more like acceptance. If you’ve struggled with the definition of forgiveness, take a look at these ideas and see if they can help you get a clearer vision of acceptance as a way to healing.

Ten Steps of Acceptance – When Forgiveness Is Not An Option

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Sharing – How to Stop Blaming Sexual Harassment Victims

Sharing – How to Stop Blaming Sexual Harassment Victims

ByMikeM Reading Time: 2 minutes

I also want you to remember that, as far as I can tell, this study was done regarding adult women being harassed. Imagine how much the victim-blaming in those cases would impact a sexual abuse victim? As a child, maybe we didn’t have any chance to make an accusation, but as an adult we could, except look at what happens to people who come forward years later? Why would I put myself through that trauma?

And if you’re a male victim of sexual abuse, or even assault as an adult? Yeah, you get the extra burden of proving you didn’t want it too.

This all stems from a complete misunderstanding of trauma, and the dynamics involved in going public with our stories. To too many people in society, if we don’t report it right when it happens, then coming forward later is just proof that it didn’t happen and we have some other motive for making the accusation.

Until that goes away, there will continue to be millions of silent victims, and who knows how many predators not being found out.

Sharing – Better Mental Health May Not Mean Exactly What You Think It Does

Sharing – Better Mental Health May Not Mean Exactly What You Think It Does

ByMikeM Reading Time: 2 minutes

I will say that his discussion around what people come into therapy for in terms of defining good mental health is often an issue. When I started therapy I wanted to not dissociate, because the dissociative states were proving to be more and more dangerous. But, it wasn’t like we could sit and discuss plans to simply stop, we had to dig into what happens right before I dissociate and learn better ways of dealing with that. (In my case, stress)

Even then, the desire to simply feel less stress is not always possible. It would have solved the immediate reason why I was in therapy, less stress would make me less likely to dissociate, right? But it also wasn’t sustainable because at some point life is going to be stressful. The key was not to avoid stress but to learn how to recognize it, acknowledge it, feel it, and deal with it in a healthier way.

So yes, I agree our definition of good mental health needs to incorporate much, much more than “not feeling sad, anxious, depressed, etc.” because we will feel those things again at some point. They are unavoidable, but succumbing to them without a proper response is not. We can, and should, learn how to do that.

Link – Why You Shouldn’t Underestimate the Healing Power of Hope

ByMikeM Reading Time: 1 minute

“In my experience in the therapy room, when people have no hope, problems tend to control their destinies. When I can assist people in uncovering even a glimmer hope for something (anything!), the problem begins to lose power—and when the problem loses power, the person starts to determine his or her destiny on his/her terms….

Link – We Need To Stop Shaming Severe Abuse Survivors, For Not Being ‘Strong Enough’

Link – We Need To Stop Shaming Severe Abuse Survivors, For Not Being ‘Strong Enough’

ByMikeM Reading Time: 1 minute

Surviving childhood abuse takes strength, there’s no question that you are strong, but how that strength plays out, and what limits there are to that strength are anyone’s guess. Survivors are all individuals, some will struggle with certain things, others with completely different things. None of that makes you stronger or weaker.We are all just…

Sharing – We Didn’t Say ‘Gay’ At My High School. It Almost Cost Me My Life.

Sharing – We Didn’t Say ‘Gay’ At My High School. It Almost Cost Me My Life.

ByMikeM Reading Time: 2 minutes

Not acknowledging the humanity of anyone is what should not be acceptable. Trying to will an entire subset of humanity out of existence because they make you uncomfortable or some religious leader has told you that they are dangerous is not acceptable.

People die from suicide when there is so much pain that they see no path forward. The solution to that is to connect with them, to show them a path forward that involves being in community with people who accept and support them. Anything less than that is a willful decision to let people die.

If that’s what your beliefs tell you to do, you need better beliefs.

Link – What it’s really like to see a psychiatrist for your mental health 

Link – What it’s really like to see a psychiatrist for your mental health 

ByMikeM Reading Time: 1 minute

I don’t think we can promise that your first visit will be as good as the one described in this story, but I like that it tries to give a more accurate picture of what it’s like. Before I was referred to a psychiatrist, I imagined something like a scene from One Flew Over the…

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