Amanda describes one of the seemingly silly things that she has to do to feel safe in the article:
For years, I didn’t understand my need to sit in a booth or corner bench. I felt I needed to make excuses.
Now I understand it as just one of the many symptoms of growing up with trauma.
I, also, do not like to sit in a public place where people would commonly walk behind me. For years I’ve joked about how I like to sit facing the door and see the restaurant because that’s what they always said in the mob movies. It’s a bit of a joke, it makes the situation seem a little less weird, but the fact of the matter is, I do not like for people to be behind me. I will not keep pace if I’m walking and someone is directly behind me, I will slow down until they pass. I do not like feeling someone directly behind me on a subway or bus. I would rather wait for the next elevator than stand at the front of one with my back to everyone else.
Sometimes, I can do it even though it makes me uncomfortable, sometimes I can’t.
Is that a result of trauma, or am I just paranoid? Or both?
What seemingly simple choices are complicated by your trauma? How do you overcome it?