Sharing – The Cost of Healing Out Loud

I think this quote from Chrissy nails the issue of talking about our abuse right on the head:

People who are themselves comfortable in the status quo of stay silent are never happy when someone starts speaking up.

https://irreverenthealing.substack.com/p/the-cost-of-healing-out-loud

Her post is a loud reminder of the reality of speaking up and telling our stories. Not everyone will respond the way we would like them to. Some will try, but the topic will make them so upset, angry, and uncomfortable that they may react in a way they later regret. Others, too comfortable in their own worldview, will not believe us. Still others will simply refuse to hear anything more about it, because it upsets them.

I’ve told people many times that how you tell your story and who you tell it to are very personal decisions. Those that should be made with extreme thoughtfulness and care. I tell my story online, and many people assume I must be very vocal and comfortable talking about it in person. I’m not. There is a huge difference between writing in a place where people read it on their own, and I don’t have to see the immediate reaction, and telling someone when I can see every facial expression as they deal with the truth that I’m sharing. I don’t know how many of my friends and family members have seen this site and dismissed my story, or been too uncomfortable with the topic to ever talk to me about it.

I’m OK with not knowing that. When I do choose to talk in person with someone, that kind of reaction could be devastating, so I’d rather not have to watch it happen right in front of me. That’s why, even as I discuss the facts of my abuse on the public internet, I am still very guarded about who I talk to about it in the real world.

My advice has always been the same:

1. Be careful about who you share your story with.
2. Be prepared for any possible reaction.

Having people in my life who I can talk to has been a massive support in my healing. Being able to tell my story with my voice has been a huge blessing for me.

I’m also acutely aware of the downside when it goes wrong, however. I know too many survivors who’ve been further damaged when trying to share their story as opposed to getting the support they were desperately seeking. Please, be careful with your story and yourself.