Saw someone share this yesterday and, after some time looking through it, decided it was definitely worth sharing. It’s from Lauren’s Kids page, and it has a ton of information about what they are calling the four “R’s”
Recognize
Report
Respond
Recover
It’s not just saying I believe you when someone tells you they are struggling with depression or anxiety. It’s all of the subtle ways we show them that we don’t believe them. The “But you don’t look”, the “you’ll be fine”, the toxic positivity, the refusal to change your own behavior in supportive ways, etc., do just as much damage. They send the message that we don’t believe what you just said is serious enough to warrant doing anything differently.
Is that the message you want to send someone who trusted you enough to admit they are struggling with you? That their struggles aren’t valid enough for you to do anything differently?
Not acknowledging the humanity of anyone is what should not be acceptable. Trying to will an entire subset of humanity out of existence because they make you uncomfortable or some religious leader has told you that they are dangerous is not acceptable.
People die from suicide when there is so much pain that they see no path forward. The solution to that is to connect with them, to show them a path forward that involves being in community with people who accept and support them. Anything less than that is a willful decision to let people die.
If that’s what your beliefs tell you to do, you need better beliefs.
Since you didn’t, and school isn’t allowed to, teach them someone else will. It might be online or in person, but there is nothing more attractive to real pedophiles than kids who lack the basic skills and open communication with adults to tell on them.
Kids who are aware of their bodies and their place in the world can openly talk about sex with trusted and safe adults, understand what it means to be LGBTQ in some basic fashion and what to do when someone makes them feel threatened, making for poor targets. That’s not grooming; that’s teaching them basic self-defense. That’s teaching them the truth and the basics of reality.
I know a lot of supporters and people in the child abuse community don’t want to hear this, but I will not stand by while we practice things that make children less safe. Lacking knowledge about these topics does that. You’re not protecting them. You’re endangering them.
We have only recently realized that childhood trauma can change the way our brains develop, or that concussions can change our brains permanently. We are still learning the details of how that happens and in the very early stages of figuring out how to treat that.
Could living in a polluted area do something similar? Of course. Why wouldn’t we believe that? It’s another example of something we are just beginning to understand about our brains and mental health.
There are two things I want you to think about here.
1. Save the things that comfort you to look at, listen to, read, etc. Whatever works for you on a hard day to feel a bit better, save those. Encourage other people to do the same.
2. Send more messages that people can save to make them feel less alone on a hard day. I love that the first response a friend had to hearing Monika saved messages like this, and might have lost them, was to send exactly that kind of message.
So hey, send more of those. Remind people in your life that you appreciate them and care about them. In personal and professional relationships, just say thank you in meaningful ways. You never know who saves those messages to get them through the days they don’t feel good enough.
I do. I bet people around you do too.
