Penelope gives a very detailed explanation of how trafficking starts online, in chat around popular online video games, and how it spreads. Most of all, however, she provides an incredibly important look into what a trafficker looks for in a kid playing video games:
I grew up in a world where having my friends and other parents think I was gay seemed worse than just continuing to be abused. Think about that for a minute. Think about what we tell boys about being a man and how society reacts to men who share that they were sexually abused as a child? Is there anything about it that screams “Tell your story. We support you!”.
There are some small pockets of that online and in certain circles, but it’s going to also come with a lot of questions about why you didn’t fight, how you’re destined to now be an abuser, that you enjoyed it, etc.
Female victims of almost all ages will get asked about what they were wearing, how much they drank, etc. That’s wrong.
Male victims will get our own set of questions, mostly about why we didn’t fight, why we were so weak, are we gay? That’s equally as wrong.
The article goes on to discuss the various ways those emotions we are trying to avoid by always being positive are actually good for us. How sitting with and processing those emotions help us learn and grow.
Of course, the one thing I will say about that is this. Be prepared to do that work alone, or very nearly alone. The world is full of people who are not comfortable with their pain, sadness, grief, etc., and refuse to do anything but “be grateful.” They also have zero tolerance for other people “bringing them down” with their own emotions.
These people are not capable of being a support to anyone else. The refusal to acknowledge the entirety of human emotion makes them utterly incapable of sitting with someone in their pain. Sadly, as these ideas have gained popularity, they have also limited our support networks. They have created a shortage of people who will sit with us.
Despite childhood trauma’s disadvantages, kids can recover after childhood trauma and live perfectly healthy, successful lives. They need help. They need a support system and people there to help them navigate it, but childhood trauma is not, as we often hear a life sentence.
I wish we would talk about this more. Survivors could use the reminder.
We would do well with more of this question and a deeper analysis of “says who” and less outrage. They won’t make it easy for us to do that, so we will have to do it for ourselves, and we’re going to have to teach the next generation.
Otherwise we will continue to see social media eat away at our mental health instead of being a tool that could help it by providing us with a community of people with shared interests.
I came across this review when someone shared it on social media, and it got picked up and passed around a bit. The review is from the Foster Talk page, which is aimed at Foster families and intersects the topics here when we talk about childhood trauma. Ruth Willets shared this about the book, which might be of interest to many of you who have teens and kids who have experienced trauma, or maybe even some young adults who could use some help understanding what trauma does to us.
