If you have children, please go read the whole story linked below. But, the one thing I wanted to really point out is this line from her mother: “The next day, I called the police and asked them if they publish on their webpage a list of games that predators were known to frequent. They…
Imagine, if you will, the awkward social learning that goes on at a middle-school dance, for example. Now imagine a handful of 40 year old men were in the middle of that awkwardness, disguised as teens? You’d have some serious chats with your daughter before sending her off to the dance, wouldn’t you?
What do you think the internet is for 11-13 year-olds?
Have that talk, keep open lines of communication, understand the tools they are using, and how they are using them. If anything, please do not think they are too young to have to worry about this. Clearly, they do.
If nothing else, I hope you’ll go read the article for two reasons. One, to recognize how difficult it can be to come forward, and have leaders dismiss your claims, so that you know how not to run any organizations that you and your kids are involved with, and two, to recognize how certain cultural values create a space for abusers. Churches rely on charismatic leaders, but without proper safeguards and oversight, you’ll attract some very charismatic evildoers too. Also, understand that environments with such a strong focus on sexual purity, create a culture where kids are desperate to not do the “worst thing” and are susceptible to this kind of grooming, not to mention a lot of shame around a very natural subject. That shame only increases the secrecy around sex, and again creates a place where secrets can thrive. DO NOT BE A PLACE WHERE SECRETS THRIVE!
Teach Your Kids the Red Flags of Online Predators
Put your mental health first this holiday season
A Digital Resource Toolkit for Prioritizing Your Mental Health
How to talk to loved ones about their mental health
Sometimes We Don’t Show Concern Until It’s Too Late
Toxic Positivity Won’t Help With Depression
Trauma unmakes the world of the self. Can stories repair it?
Send a Text, Save a Life, mental health support
How I Deal With Dissociation as an Abuse Survivor
I think the folks at Horowitz Law have got this right: “Most sex offenders, therefore, don’t fall into some easily-identifiable, logical category. They can be young or old, shy or outgoing, tall or short, and of course rich or poor. We wish this weren’t the case, of course. Because this reality leads to a disturbing…
I also want you to remember that, as far as I can tell, this study was done regarding adult women being harassed. Imagine how much the victim-blaming in those cases would impact a sexual abuse victim? As a child, maybe we didn’t have any chance to make an accusation, but as an adult we could, except look at what happens to people who come forward years later? Why would I put myself through that trauma?
And if you’re a male victim of sexual abuse, or even assault as an adult? Yeah, you get the extra burden of proving you didn’t want it too.
This all stems from a complete misunderstanding of trauma, and the dynamics involved in going public with our stories. To too many people in society, if we don’t report it right when it happens, then coming forward later is just proof that it didn’t happen and we have some other motive for making the accusation.
Until that goes away, there will continue to be millions of silent victims, and who knows how many predators not being found out.
