The impact of what you weren’t given as a child can be just as real as the impacts of physical and sexual abuse. The struggle to navigate relationships and work, emotional immaturity, the lack of trust, the inability to be vulnerable, etc. Those are all things we should be learning throughout life, and they are all something we can learn throughout life. It sure would have been nice to have been able to start that process in childhood, though.
I’ll repeat what I’ve said many times. Kids are often vulnerable because they have no close adults to trust and lean on for support. No one is there modeling what a mature sense of self is, so they aren’t learning it. I don’t necessarily agree with everything Drs. Maté and Neufeld said in this interview that I’m sure I wouldn’t agree with everything in their book, but on this point, I agree. Kids need trusted adults who make them feel safe and loved.
Yet we keep creating a society that makes it harder to provide that for kids. We are paying a price for that.
What do we have to offer those kids beyond a message about how their already-high ACE score likely means they have a lifetime of poor outcomes to look forward to? It turns out we have a lot to offer them. By creating positive experiences, we can start to undo the damage and create a preventative buffer to help avoid further adverse events.
What Rebekah is writing about isn’t finding the meaning that would define why we were abused. That’s toxic. What she is writing about is finding what it means to live with childhood trauma.
The question we often ask ourselves about being abused is the simplest one to answer, but we’ve gotten it twisted.
Why was I abused? Because someone else decided to abuse me.
I know that I’ve talked before about survivors not coming forward for years, and how this is especially true for men, who typically don’t disclose to anyone until their 50s. In a recent interview with People, John Stamos briefly talks about his own experience with child abuse, and I want you to pay close attention to the reasons he didn’t tell anyone until now:
How to Protect Your Mental Health From Stressful News Cycles
Mental Health Myths and Facts: Dispelling Common Misconceptions
The Raw Emotions: Expressing Mental Health Struggles Through Art
Importance of Early Intervention in Mental Health: Do Early Interventions Really Make A Difference?
Writing about mental health with sensitivity in SFFH– I appreciate the Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and Horror writers talking about the issue, especially the real research into links between mental health and violence.
