What you don’t see
Someone recently sent me an email and talked about how “brave” I was to have this site out here, and how strong I must be to own what happened to me the way I do on here. My response, other than being very humbled and honored, was to tell this person that it’s not as easy as it appears. You must keep in mind that what you see on this site is the result of years of work. You see me here after the DID, after the meds, after the therapy, after the failed marriage, after the hospital stay, and after a few years worth of emotional breakdowns. I didn’t start writing online about my experiences until after all of that happened, so you don’t get to see how hard it was to keep going, how absent I truly was, everyday of my life!
If you’re new to dealing with past abuse, and the issues surrounding it, don’t expect to suddenly be able to open up about it online to complete strangers, or to own what happened to you. It’s really not that easy. It took me years to get to this point, and I still have very, very bad days. You probably don’t get to see those very much either, I tend not to want to write during those days. 🙂
All I do is take each day as it comes, and deal the best I can with all of this, and that’s all you should be asking of yourself as well. It’s not a race to see who gets the most “normal” quickest, it’s a long, slow healing process where the only gauge of how well you’re doing is in being able to say “Today I’m living healthier and making better choices than I was yesterday, last week, last year, etc.” Strive for that, every day, and you’ll have something to live for, and to look forward to.