Follow up

I told you earlier about my wife getting a gift certificate for a professional massage and the way the have to deal with victims of abuse and rape often. Well last night was my appointment and I’m happy to report that it was pretty cool.


The first thing you have to do is fill out a medical history form, and also a “permission” form. The permission part of the form let’s you specify if there are certain parts of your body you do not want to be touched, whether it be legs, face, abdomen, etc. That’s a nice touch. Of course, for me it’s not so much about where I’m touched as much as it is by whom, so it was good that when I met the therapist, I felt absolutely no sense of intimidation or fear. Then I could just check off that everything was ok and go from there. That lack of intimidation makes everything easy for me, and is somewhat hard to define. It’s just a feeling I get from seeing someone, their physical presence and their attitude. She was also very good about communicating what she was doing, and letting me know that it was ok to tell her if something made me uncomfortable. That’s important too, mostly because you have to realize that for a good portion of this procedure you’re on your stomach and can’t see the person touching you. I know that makes some survivors very uncomfortable. For me, it’s only uncomfortable when I don’t have the chance to see you first and acknowledge to myself who you are. It’s those “surprise” touches from behind that tend to get me, and this is not a situation like that at all.

Anyway, like I said, I enjoyed it, I think it did a lot to relieve tension in my back, shouders and neck that can lead to migraines and it’s another stress-reduction tool in the toolbox for me, which can never get too many tools! Especially since the alternative, for me, to reducing stress is dissociation. Not an acceptable option!

I’ll probably do it again sometime!

Similar Posts

  • Online support groups

    Sandy, in the forums, asked if anyone knew of any support groups for wives of male survivors. While that seems like it’s probably a good idea for a group, I’m not familiar with any groups with that specific agenda. I offered some suggestions for where she might begin to look for that, but if anyone…

  • Society Doesn’t Learn – Survivors Aren’t Believed

    It’s disheartening to think that I’ve spent over 20 years in the online survivor community advocating that we believe survivors and act on accusations of abuse only to wind up here. This feels like we’ve gone back to the days of sexual violence being unheard of because no one would dare talk about being a victim. It’s enough to make you want to quit. I felt that way last week. As I watched my wife’s hope for women across the country leave her body while also being overwhelmingly angry at people who voted for a criminal and a rapist, I wanted to walk away and shut myself off from the world.

    Instead, I stepped away for a few days and reminded myself that there will be innumerable victims of sexual abuse who can’t talk about it and need to know that they are not alone. There are growing numbers of survivors who will be losing their families and friends and need to know that they are not alone. We will all be looking for community. 

    If anything, the importance of staying online and continuing to talk about child abuse, sexual violence, mental health, and supporting vulnerable people is higher now than it has been in the entire time I’ve been doing this. Now is not the time to walk away; it’s the time to fight for survivors.

  • |

    One Whole Year

    Yes it’s been a full year since Marj started the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, and from the look of this month’s carnival, hosting over on her blog, this may be the best one yet! She’s got 30 posts linked in this edition, so there’s plenty to read, and talk about. Please, take a look,…

  • First birthdays

    This past weekend we were with my family to celebrate my niece’s first birthday. I couldn’t help but think about what her life is going to be like, all of the many, many things she has in store for her childhood, all the happy memories that she and her older brother are going to have…

2 Comments

  1. Mike you said in one of your entrys that conners brother was your friend right? what happened to the page it has not been updated for almost two years! how can i contact him please e-mail me

  2. I have a friend who is also a massage therapist. She reported to me that they do extensive learning on sexual abuse and child abuse and how those issues can be brough back with prolonged periods of massage therapy. For many, the experience is too intense, hence the permission forms.

    When she masaged me, many of my old feelings from being sexually assaulted came back and we had to stop and chill. Nonetheless, it resulted in a long, heartening conversation and a rich learning experience about the connection between body and mind.

    Much luck to you on your healing process here. I’ll be back.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

To respond on your own website, enter the URL of your response which should contain a link to this post's permalink URL. Your response will then appear (possibly after moderation) on this page. Want to update or remove your response? Update or delete your post and re-enter your post's URL again. (Find out more about Webmentions.)