Observations

  • When Trauma Response are Helpful – And When They Aren’t.

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

    In the big picture, the thing I know that I need to do is to be aware of when I’m in that mode and act accordingly. There can be some great benefits to hypervigilance and there can be some real downsides. If I’m aware of it, I can scan the environment as necessary without ignoring other important, but not dangerous, bits of information, and watch out for my own overreactions. I can consciously use the skill that I learned as a trauma survivor for my own good without it wrecking my day-to-day life or causing more anxiety.

    It’s a tricky line to walk, and I’ll be the first to admit I don’t always do it so well.

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    Friendships Matter Much More than the Value We Place on Them

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 5 minutes

    It’s worth considering your friends and recognizing that we need all kinds of friends. We need loose connections, and we need tight connections. We need long-term friends, and we need friends for a season of our lives.

    In short, we need each other. I’m afraid this has gotten lost in our culture and priorities, and I consider myself as guilty as anyone.

    I also know that being guilty of not prioritizing friendships has hurt me. It’s likely hurting you. It is hurting all of society. It’s time we started valuing close friendships again.

  • Some Conversations Are Easier Online

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 2 minutes

    I have understood this for a long time. I can write here without having to see anyone react immediately when they read it. I can see their reaction when I tell someone about being abused in person. I can watch their facial expressions and body language. I can see every bit of their discomfort, and their signs of dismissal cut me. If you don’t think telling someone in person that you need their help isn’t scary, I can only assume that is because you’ve never done it.

    So when you see someone share something on social media about their mental health, and your response is to wonder why they didn’t just talk to you about it, remember how much harder that is. Maybe they aren’t ready yet, or you just haven’t done enough to earn that trust. Consider how many people in your life may be dealing with very difficult things they just haven’t told anyone about yet.

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    Let’s Talk About Your Friend with Social Anxiety

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

    Someone you know is likely struggling with anxiety. Likely, many of you are, too, just like I am. With general anxiety running rampant across society right now, we can also assume that a large portion of social anxiety is going around too. If you have a friend who has struggled to keep plans or stay in touch, be kind. Recognize their anxiety and take a small action that sends the message that you are happy to see them. For me, it’s been a sincere hug or smile upon seeing me. It’s an immediate reminder that this person wants to be with me. There is an undeniable feeling that seeing me makes them happy.

    They probably have no idea how much they have done by expressing that to me, but it makes all the difference in the world. I can immediately go from being all in my insecurities to all in the acceptance and warmth of long-time friends. It might not seem like much, but it is.

  • Quick Thought #20 – As a Male Sexual Assault Survivor, I’m Appalled by what the US is Doing to Women

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 2 minutes

    I cannot imagine the kind of harm we are doing to female survivors when we tell them they have to carry their pregnancy to term. That they remain in a condition where they have no choice. States, including my own, that have or are moving toward enacting complete bans on abortion with no exception for rape and incest victims are ripping the choice of how to move forward away, victimizing these survivors a second time. Forcing their own desires on the bodies of women.

    If your religion is willing to force the victim of a violent crime to continue to be violated in this way, you need a better religion. You need a better god, and you absolutely need a better heart. You are not righteous, you are an abuser.

  • Quick Thought #19 – Loneliness and Toxic Positivity

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 2 minutes

    I don’t think that’s it. Not completely anyway. I think the real damage social media has done is to make toxic positivity popular. For every person celebrating their “good vibes only” lifestyle, there are at least 2-3 people who have lost a friend because they’ve been cut out by someone unwilling to be with them in their pain.

    After all, if the goal is to eliminate all the negative people in your life, where do people go when they are in pain, grieving, or simply need support?

    Nothing makes you lonelier than having no one to turn to during those times, and, increasingly, the message we are getting is to aspire to be that uncaring towards people in need.