Older now

You know the old saying “I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger”, or some variation of it? I just heard that line in a song and thought, wow isn’t THAT true! I realize that there’s no way for that to happen but I do wish, for all of the people living with child abuse, that they could know one thing that took me too long to learn. I wish, when I was younger, I knew that what was happening wasn’t a result of a defect in me. It sure would have saved a lot of heartache over the years. Heck, even now that I know it wasn’t because of me, I still have struggles with feeling like I’m defective to some extent. It’s not a good thing to realize that you’re 35 years old and that single belief dictated so much of what you did with your life. So much that you can’t go back and do again. All you can do is make the rest of your years different.