Just like in sports though, sometimes it’s not about how the world works, or what mistakes we made, it’s about the other team. In our case, it’s the abuser. They did this. Healing is understanding that, and coming to grips with the fact that our lens is wrong. We’re looking at someone else’s actions and choices through a lens that only sees ourselves. We were abused, maybe when we told someone, we weren’t believed, or maybe even as adults, when we share our experiences we make others uncomfortable. But it’s not us. Other people get to make their own choices, have their own reactions, and choose who, and what, to believe.
What we need to do, is start untying other people actions and reactions, from ourselves. The abuser chose to abuse. The people who refused to help, made that choice, and the people who still don’t believe us, have their own reasons for doing that. None of it has anything to do with us, those are other people making their own choices, playing their own game. We can do everything right, live our life to the best of our abilities and still “lose” in these interactions. It happens. It doesn’t lessen us, it shows us who these other people are, and tells us about their agendas.
We learn from that, and move on. We do not blame ourselves for their agendas.
It does take developing a more mature lens to view life through, and that takes time, and work. Are you up for it? Or maybe the better question, are you tired of blaming yourself?
Thank you for you courage to cope. I am trying to heal from quite a few things myself including child abuse. It’s been tough when I feel like denial is really a powerful thing that has shaped me just as much as the abuse itself. Denial is another thing I find frightening to face, especially in the psychiatric profession. I am listening to myself and trying to heal. Depression is still an issue for me. I am still looking for the right therapist. View my blog, especially the link on child abuse. I felt this psychotherapist took a really eloquent and sensitive approach towards the real impact on survivors. He is building a monument to survivors.
Smokey