What a Week
Well, if nothing else, this past week proved that yes, there is still definitely a limit to the amount of emotional energy I can muster up, and when I hit that limit, while I’m healthy enough to know how t not dissociate anymore, I still want to do some of the same behaviors.
This week was very stressful, on top of getting ready for my wife to be half way ’round the world, my mom was in the hospital, work was crazy busy, and there were a few other surprises that I can’t really talk about online yet. Add it all up, and by the weekend, I really just wanted to ignore all of it. 🙂
I had just reached the point where I just had no more emotions to give. Mind you, there wasn’t anything major, it was stressful, and my mom’s getting better, and things caught me by surprise, causing kind of a rollercoaster of emotions. It wasn’t depression or anything like that, and it won’t be anything that causes major problems for me, I have just sort of hit my limit!
The scary part is just how much I wanted to do anything but think about any of it. It really was quite reminiscent of dissociating, only I know better than to go down that road, so I had to find ways to spend my time doing other things, only without the benefit of hanging around the house with my wife, which is what I’d normally do when I’m stressed. These old defense mechanisms don’t die easy, do they?
Hopefully, all the alone, quiet, time will get me through this week. Promises to be another crazy week at work, and a week on my own at home. So long as we can keep the extra surprises from popping up this week too, I think I’ll be alright!
Hi…we were in the Child Abuse Carnival this month…our first. we are surprised to learn, you can stop dissociating…..that has been our life….can not imagine “not” doing it….have a good day.
Rainbow
The end of the month is traditionally busy for me and yet it seems to creep up every single time. At least I’ve had Easter and long weekends to get used to when it will be crazy busy in the second full week of May and I’m consciously trying to chill out as much as possible before that storm hits.
It’s all that mythical balance, when you have nothing to do and lots of time to do nothing in, I tend to crave those busy weeks.
Your wife is away, break out the Xbox! 😀
Much sympathy. I had to make a list of things I could do when I felt overwhelmed because when I was I couldn’t think of things. Hree’s hoping things ease up for you.
I agree that it is amazing and a bit disheartening the way we instinctively go to those old coping behaviors in times of stress. There was a time that it would really depress and frighten me. I would think that I wasn’t as healed from the abuse as I had believed myself to be. Now I understand that it is just like an old groove worn in a record and doesn’t have to mean anything more than we need to pay closer attention to taking care of ourselves when these old coping mechanisms begin to kick in.
It is more difficult for me also when my husband is not home or in bad space himself because he is my touchstone when I am teetering on the edge. Take good care of yourself and I hope that no surprises pop up for you.
All my best,
Tamara
I was once told that those defense mechanisms are like an old tape that keeps playing in our heads. We need to record over those tapes with new ones! I hope things are better for you this week!
Wow, a lot to deal with. I hope you continue to take care of yourself.