Well, if nothing else, this past week proved that yes, there is still definitely a limit to the amount of emotional energy I can muster up, and when I hit that limit, while I’m healthy enough to know how t not dissociate anymore, I still want to do some of the same behaviors.
This week was very stressful, on top of getting ready for my wife to be half way ’round the world, my mom was in the hospital, work was crazy busy, and there were a few other surprises that I can’t really talk about online yet. Add it all up, and by the weekend, I really just wanted to ignore all of it. 🙂
I had just reached the point where I just had no more emotions to give. Mind you, there wasn’t anything major, it was stressful, and my mom’s getting better, and things caught me by surprise, causing kind of a rollercoaster of emotions. It wasn’t depression or anything like that, and it won’t be anything that causes major problems for me, I have just sort of hit my limit!
The scary part is just how much I wanted to do anything but think about any of it. It really was quite reminiscent of dissociating, only I know better than to go down that road, so I had to find ways to spend my time doing other things, only without the benefit of hanging around the house with my wife, which is what I’d normally do when I’m stressed. These old defense mechanisms don’t die easy, do they?
Hopefully, all the alone, quiet, time will get me through this week. Promises to be another crazy week at work, and a week on my own at home. So long as we can keep the extra surprises from popping up this week too, I think I’ll be alright!