New Site for Male Victims of CSA
Got an email from the admin about a new site specifically for male victims of childhood sexual abuse, Betrayed Boys. Looks like they are just getting started over there, but if you’re interested, go check it out!
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Sharing – Can I Just Tell You: With So Much To Mourn, We Must Allow Time To Grieve
One of the things I learned in 2019, and saw repeated over and over again in 2020-21, was that there are a lot of people who are so uncomfortable with the idea of death, that they become almost unbearable to be around when you are grieving yourself. They are so uncomfortable with grief, that they really, really need you to get over your grief so that they don’t have to feel uncomfortable anymore.
It’s a weakness. One that cuts people off from their own emotions, whether it be hurt, pain, anger or grief. It hurts people, all in the name of someone else’s comfort.
We see it when people complain about child abuse public service announcements, put in the “required” time at a funeral, avoid people they know dealing with mental health issues, and so on. And it’s not going to change, until it’s them or someone they care enough about to make an effort to get past their own discomfort.
Or, maybe it won’t change. Maybe they’ll continue to isolate themselves from anyone who is hurting. That’s a choice, one any of us is free to make.
Or we can choose to allow people to hurt, and grieve, and simply be with them. Simply care more about that other person than our own discomfort.
New Research on Social Media and Teen Mental Health
I think that second quote is really the key. We’ve seen studies that are reported as showing that kids who use social media get more depression and anxiety, but those studies do not address the question of whether there’s any proof that the causality is in that direction and not the other. In other words, do teens who use social media a lot develop depression, or do depressed teens use social media more. This study seems to indicate it’s the latter. As we continue with a lot of social distancing, and activities being canceled and in person gatherings are very limited, we know everyone will be relying more on social media to stay connected, so this is an important question, and I think what this study, and others, really shows us is that there are ways to use social media as a positive influence on our mental health, and a way to use it that will not be a positive influence on our mental health.
In the physical world, we have these same choices. Do we interact with people who are toxic? Do we spend all of our time comparing ourselves to others? Do we isolate? Or do we find out tribe, our group of supportive friends/family that can interact socially in ways that help our mental health?
We all make those same choices on social media, but the key difference here is that if we simply don’t choose, and make no effort to make conscious decisions about who we follow and interact with, social network algorithms will make the decision for us. Anyone already struggling with mental health is maybe more likely to not spent much time thinking about these things, and just let the app show them what it wants to show them, and that is not necessarily going to be good for our anxiety. Especially right now.
So, if you find yourself feeling more anxious, angry, irritated, etc. every time you hop on Twitter or Instagram, maybe instead of just being that way, spend some time thinking about who you follow, and what they are bringing in to your life?
For any of my social media using readers, can you share some of your favorite positive accounts that you interact with to HELP your mental health?
Sharing – Population vs Individual Prediction of Poor Health From Results of Adverse Childhood Experiences Screening
Now, here comes a study, linked below, that has done the real scientific research and found:
“ACE scores can forecast mean group differences in later health problems; however, ACE scores have poor accuracy in identifying individuals at high risk for future health problems.”
Yes, there are statistics that show that there’s an impact at the societal level from childhood trauma. We should be addressing those issues as a society, things like child poverty, parents in the prison system, abuse, neglect, etc. because we know that as we lessen those impacts on kids, and make resources available for the kids who’s trauma we can’t prevent, we can impact the overall increases in depression, addiction, crime rates, etc. that are a direct result of childhood trauma. But, at an individual level, these things aren’t fate. How one person navigates trauma and is impacted by it, is not going to come down to just the number of traumas they dealt with as a child. When we identify one person with 4 or more ACEs according to the survey, all that really tells us is that it’s basically 50-50 whether or not they are depressed, or there’s a close to 30% chance they’ve used illicit drugs, but a 70% chance they haven’t. One person is not going to neatly fit every category and shouldn’t be treated as if they do.Â
I find that your website is a great contribution to adult survivors of Child Abuse. I am estatic to find out about the resources available to the male gender. I have spoken to many in our state who were abused. It is so sad that support is not as evident and spoken about as the female gender. I will share the link and do appreciate the work that you do. Thank you:)