Link – How Shame Contaminates Our Lives — and a Path Toward Healing

shame photo
Photo by PinkMoose

“A deeply held shame is often the water we swim in. It’s an elusive, privately-held feeling that we don’t like to acknowledge — a nagging sense that something is amiss, that we’re basically flawed, defective, unworthy, and less valuable than others. The philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre expressed the physiological effect of shame as “an immediate shudder which runs through me from head to foot without any discursive preparation.” Such shame damages self-worth and can go hand in hand with depression.”

For survivors, this shame is all too familiar, and yet it’s not us who should feel shame. We are not the ones who have harmed someone else, or done anything wrong. Yet, we are the ones who have to work through our own shameful feelings, until we can recognize that we have nothing to be ashamed about.

The good news, is that it can be overcome.

How are you working through shame?

How Shame Contaminates Our Lives — and a Path Toward Healing

Similar Posts

  • Sharing – Queer survivors of sexual abuse are frequently blamed for their own victimization

    I’ve talked about this before. As a male survivor, I have spent years on this site dealing with people that simply assumed I was gay, for no other reason than the fact that I was abused by a male perpetrator. I’ve known plenty of other men who’ve been shunned because of a similar assumption, or the much worse assumption that survivors, especially male survivors or gay men, are likely to turn around and also sexually abuse others.

    None of this is accurate. Yes, the abuse can leave you feeling unsafe and uncomfortable in your own body and with your own sexuality. That is a side effect of being raped sometimes. That is not something anyone should be ashamed to talk about and no matter where they land on the spectrum of gender and sexual preference they deserve the respect and privacy to figure that out themselves. None of us asked your opinion, and none of us want to hear about your own illusions of how sexuality works after being sexually abused at a young age.

    The more mature attitude is to recognize that healing from sexual abuse is a process that looks different for everyone, whether they are gay, straight, bisexual, non-binary and any other thing you want to consider. We all deserve a better response than to be accused of bringing it upon ourselves.

  • Sharing – Sex Offenders Groom Churches Too

    This article is from 2018, and is obviously written to Churches, but I think this bit is applicable in every setting, church, schools, sport teams, and society in general: We should not just worry about the creepy guy in the back. Successful predators can be in positions of respect in our churches. Deception is the…

  • Review: CSI Vegas: Bittersweet (2011/12, USA)

    Note:  This episode is from the current season ending Spring 2012 and the full plot is discussed below. CSI has had some excellent abuse related episodes in the past, even when “Blood Drops” from the very first season employed cheap shock twists. Sadly after many excellent episodes, with this episode from the latest season just ending for the…

  • |

    Links (weekly)

    Boxer Quanitta Underwood’s Inspiring Fight Against Sexual Abuse — and for Olympic Gold tags: CA Child Abuse at Miramonte Elementary School & Keeping Children Safe! tags: CA What to do if you suspect your child is being abused tags: CA 4 Things to Remember When You Can’t Take It Anymore tags: CA How To Support…

  • |

    Bits and Pieces of Interesting Items

    Tomorrow evening, ESPN’s excellent E:60 program will do a piece on Invisible Victims: According to experts, children with disabilities are three times more likely than children without them to be victims of sexual abuse. And when the disability is mental rather than physical – meaning the disability is not immediately visible – the cases are…

  • Another Tool in Abuse Prevention – Community

    This is where the community comes in. Kids with strong connections to safe adults are less likely to be targeted and more likely to tell if they are. LGBTQ kids are less likely to struggle with suicidal ideation when they have adults who accept them as they are. Kids dealing with anxiety and depression have better outcomes when they have safe adults to talk through their emotions with, who can support them through difficult times. I’ve discussed at length the importance of strong relationships with parents as the best preventive measure we have for keeping children safe and supported. I’ve also discussed, on my other site, the importance of work-life balance and inclusivity in the workplace for parents. That’s what being a community that supports families’ needs to succeed includes.

14 Comments

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

To respond on your own website, enter the URL of your response which should contain a link to this post's permalink URL. Your response will then appear (possibly after moderation) on this page. Want to update or remove your response? Update or delete your post and re-enter your post's URL again. (Find out more about Webmentions.)