“We have to stop telling ourselves that the rude people of the world are personally targeting us. – We can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of us. They do things because of them. And there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to us when we detach from other people’s behaviors. So just remember, the way others treat you is their problem, how you react is yours.”
This article, while helpful, isn’t really about child abuse or mental health. However I really think this advice is something that abuse survivors really need to take to heart. Abusers don’t target a specific kid because of some defect in that child. It’s more about opportunity and circumstances that are completely out of the control of the child. Most of all, abuse happens because there is something wrong with the abuser, not the victim.
But that’s not the story our underdeveloped brains tell us, and the truth gets harder to believe the longer we hang on to this believe that we somehow “deserved” this.