Two people talking

Link – Why We Should Be Having More Meaningful Conversations

This is a pretty interesting study –

The results? Mehl and his team found that the happiest person in the study had twice as many substantive conversations, and only one-third the amount of small talk, as the unhappiest person. Almost every other conversation the happiest person had—about 46 percent of the day’s conversations—were substantive.

As for the unhappiest person, only 22 percent of that individual’s conversations were substantive, while small talk made up only 10 percent of the happiest person’s conversations.

I find this interesting because child abuse survivors generally learn how to have conversations, without saying anything. We learn how to hide what was happening to us, and avoid answering questions. As adults now, as we heal, I have to wonder how much that “skill” is hurting our ability not only to develop relationships, but also just be happy and healthy?

This study seems to show that it’s hurting us a lot. The authors freely admit that more study is needed, but I wonder if we should be focusing on having deeper interactions and better connections. It certainly can’t hurt!

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One Comment

  1. I find in my healing after a childhood of abuse that I am happiest when I feel connected. That requires me to share my authentic self more fully that I would have earlier in my life. This comes with risks one needs learn to manage. So be it! Those who really get me provide me with a mirror for who I am, something that was distorted or missing in my childhood. I have learned to be more careful in how I share myself–many do not operate in such a level (no judgment here) and so they do not get to know the real me. I no longer (or mostly so) view this as a rejection of myself, rather it is a reflection of who and where they are. I am beautiful, worthy, amazing, open, loving . . . I have learned that not everyone is there. Surround self with as many real friends and supports as one can; it makes all the difference in the world. Peace and love, Da Hinch

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