This is something we are all too familiar with.
“Learning about shame is the biggest step you can take to change this for yourself. Whether the shame you carry is from childhood, a traumatic event, struggles with addiction, coming out with your sexuality, or anything else, there is healing to be done here, and you are not alone.”
Orly’s first step to overcoming this was actually talking to someone about it. I cannot emphasize this enough. The shame we carry from childhood is all-consuming to us. It’s the secret we expend massive amounts of energy trying to hide and obsessing over. The things we feel shame about are the things that impact our day-to-day lives in adulthood.
And, for the most part, the shame we feel isn’t true. It’s not based in reality. Orly isn’t “not smart” any more than I am, and I do not deserve punishment any more than you. These are simply the stories we took away from our childhood.
This is also why that first reaction is so important. When we finally work up the courage to share our secrets, our shames, it’s painful to have them mocked or disbelieved.
Just as it can be healing to share our secret shames with people who care about us and are not ashamed of us, it can be damaging to have the opposite, sharing our shame with people who would seek to use it against us.
So yes, please talk about the limiting stories you have brought out of childhood with people who can help you understand that they do not represent the truth, but be wary of sharing it with people who will not help you do that.