Sharing – Language That Deepens Trauma Instead of Healing It
Indeed, the words we use in response to hearing about someone’s trauma can be very dismissive.
It is also true that having your trauma dismissed like that is incredibly painful.
Over the years, I have discovered that dismissiveness is often a reflection of the listener and not the person talking about their trauma. It’s a sign that they are uncomfortable thinking about the bad things that happen to people. Perhaps it’s because they believe the world is just, and our trauma requires them to rethink that belief, making them uncomfortable. It could also be that they are uncomfortable feeling any negative emotion or incapable of feeling empathy for others.
To a certain extent, I can understand that. I can’t excuse it, though. Not when I see so many survivors who tried to talk about their trauma only to be dismissed and spend most of their adult lives silent. That pain is never worth your comfort. Please pay attention when people tell you about their trauma and understand how hard it was for them to talk about it in the first place.
The amount of courage and effort it took to tell you deserves more than a dismissive comment.
