As she puts it, there’s a shortage of therapists in general, a shortage of therapists that take insurance, and a shortage of therapists with specialized training. None of that will change without significant changes to the mental health system, and even if it did, we still wouldn’t have enough therapists, especially in rural areas.
I have noticed that playing music around our house definitely raises my spirits in a similar way as exercise, so it’s nice to know that researchers are looking into some other options for helping our mental health above and beyond “get more exercise”.
What I like more though, is a research article that contains this common-sense reminder about how we are all different:
When we talk about the effects of child abuse and other childhood traumas that last well into adulthood, this is what we are talking about. The normal development cycle was simply disrupted and we now must play catch-up.
It’s not impossible to learn and develop even as an adult, but first we need to stop blaming ourselves for both the trauma, and the effects of the trauma. We need to be open to learning new tools without judging ourselves for not already knowing how to fix ourselves.
If it were that easy, everyone would do it. Clearly that isn’t happening.
Losing a spouse, parent, sibling, etc. for me would be different than losing one of my friends. I love them differently, and I imagine I would grieve differently.. Losing anyone you love hurts but you likely have a variety of different relationships with people so it only makes sense that you would grieve them differently too, and then it also becomes obvious that we all will grieve differently from each other. There’s no straight line, there’s no “normal” way to grieve, there is just one individual processing the loss of another person that they had a unique connection to.
Wherever you are in that process is where you are. It’s not a contest and it’s not a pre-defined timeline. It’s a loss and you are free to mourn that.
I’m not a researcher but these two facts make me wonder if there’s not something we can do.
If we have a list of “nudges” that can help people feel like they belong or help educate people about things like safety plans, etc. and we don’t know who is at risk and which nudge might help them, maybe we should just continue to generally be kind to the people around us. That means trying to understand what makes them feel supported, connected, etc., and doing those things consistently. It also means noticing if a “nudge” has the opposite effect, and trying something different instead.
Help people feel like they belong, educate people about prevention resources, help them stay connected to family and friends, involve them, accept them, etc.
Help your friends and loved ones by communicating the kinds of things that help you. When you feel disconnected or like you are a burden, what can they do to keep you connected? What things do they do that make it worse?
When we don’t talk about these things we only make it worse, and we only continue to lose more people. We have to learn how to have these conversations. We have to be open to listening to the people closest to us and connecting to them without stigma and judgment. The researchers will keep working to learn more about prevention, but in the meantime simply caring about each other and being honest with each other is the best tool we have. We should use it.
There are quite a few ideas to consider before you talk to someone you love that I highly encourage you to read. The last thing you want to do is create a situation where they feel judged or stigmatized but it happens more often than it should. (It should never happen, we aren’t even close to that.)
However, there is one thing that I have found really helps whenever someone is talking about their own mental health issues, or feeling embarrassed about considering therapy for themselves and it’s quoted right there in this article:
“If you’ve gone to therapy, you can share your experiences with them, too. It can help to let them know they aren’t alone in seeking help. “
