“But what happens when the hurtful actions are repetitive and ongoing? Or, when the person who has acted wrongly is not willing (or able) to make meaningful amends? Or when the wronged person is not ready to forgive? In these circumstances, argues Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, author of How Can I Forgive You? The Courage…
“A deeply held shame is often the water we swim in. It’s an elusive, privately-held feeling that we don’t like to acknowledge — a nagging sense that something is amiss, that we’re basically flawed, defective, unworthy, and less valuable than others. The philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre expressed the physiological effect of shame as “an immediate shudder…
“Forgiveness is touted as something we do to free ourselves, but how freeing is it to be told you have to do something? How freeing is it to be told to let go of your feelings? I was separated from my feelings long enough while I coped with the experience and effects of my abuse….
“When I thought about my childhood, I often told myself, “That’s not was that was.” I always had an excuse. But I still kept much of my past a secret. When I talked to my friends I pretended that we were the average family with average interactions. Yet all those feelings of helplessness, terror, disgust,…
“Healing is not a linear process. You may revisit a particular issue, say, the fear of intimacy, as you begin a new relationship. Or you may have to learn to set limits with your children if you have always had issues with boundaries. But the process of moving on cannot be rushed. Getting there will…
“There’s a common assumption that children subjected to abuse or trauma will have problematic emotions across the board, McLaughlin said, such as muted responses to positive situations and extreme reactions to negative ones. But the study’s findings suggest that maltreated children are perhaps more resilient and adaptable than previously thought. “It seems that they are…
