Once I was public about my abuse, it became obvious to me that anyone I was going to be involved with romantically probably needed to know about my past sooner rather than later. Maybe not all the details upfront, but the fact that I am a survivor usually came out early. There was no reason not to share that information with someone who I was going to be in a romantic relationship with because that trauma impacted so many little things about me and how I acted in that relationship.
Fixing someone else’s grief, just like healing their trauma, isn’t possible. It’s not your job. Your job is to keep the space open for them to heal.
What Rebekah is writing about isn’t finding the meaning that would define why we were abused. That’s toxic. What she is writing about is finding what it means to live with childhood trauma.
The question we often ask ourselves about being abused is the simplest one to answer, but we’ve gotten it twisted.
Why was I abused? Because someone else decided to abuse me.
It’s all forward-looking. It celebrates how far I’ve come without constantly constantly reminding myself of what I haven’t done. In Todd’s words, it allows me to simply be human, like every other adult. In the end, isn’t that what we all want, to not see ourselves as the freak abuse survivor, but as an adult like other adults? With strengths and weaknesses, with quirks, and with success alongside failures?
We need to let ourselves be human and create a life where we can feel safe to be human.