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Sharing – Queer survivors of sexual abuse are frequently blamed for their own victimization
I’ve talked about this before. As a male survivor, I have spent years on this site dealing with people that simply assumed I was gay, for no other reason than the fact that I was abused by a male perpetrator. I’ve known plenty of other men who’ve been shunned because of a similar assumption, or the much worse assumption that survivors, especially male survivors or gay men, are likely to turn around and also sexually abuse others.
None of this is accurate. Yes, the abuse can leave you feeling unsafe and uncomfortable in your own body and with your own sexuality. That is a side effect of being raped sometimes. That is not something anyone should be ashamed to talk about and no matter where they land on the spectrum of gender and sexual preference they deserve the respect and privacy to figure that out themselves. None of us asked your opinion, and none of us want to hear about your own illusions of how sexuality works after being sexually abused at a young age.
The more mature attitude is to recognize that healing from sexual abuse is a process that looks different for everyone, whether they are gay, straight, bisexual, non-binary and any other thing you want to consider. We all deserve a better response than to be accused of bringing it upon ourselves.
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Shared Links (weekly) May 8, 2022
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Mental health apps have terrible privacy protections, report finds– When in-person therapy is so hard to find, this is very disappointing.
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Women Who Have Had A Miscarriage Struggle With Grief On Mother’s Day
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Nearly half of LGBTQ youth seriously considered suicide, survey finds
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Shared Links (weekly) April 27, 2022
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Trolls make up fake stories of parents forcing kids to be trans to fuel moral panic– To quote myself from a few years ago – “How much of the internet is fake? Almost all of it”
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Campus Mental Health Services Have to Be More Inclusive of LGBTQ+ Students
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Sharing – We Didn’t Say ‘Gay’ At My High School. It Almost Cost Me My Life.
Not acknowledging the humanity of anyone is what should not be acceptable. Trying to will an entire subset of humanity out of existence because they make you uncomfortable or some religious leader has told you that they are dangerous is not acceptable.
People die from suicide when there is so much pain that they see no path forward. The solution to that is to connect with them, to show them a path forward that involves being in community with people who accept and support them. Anything less than that is a willful decision to let people die.
If that’s what your beliefs tell you to do, you need better beliefs.
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Sharing – Here’s How to Actually Talk to Little Kids About Sex
Since you didn’t, and school isn’t allowed to, teach them someone else will. It might be online or in person, but there is nothing more attractive to real pedophiles than kids who lack the basic skills and open communication with adults to tell on them.
Kids who are aware of their bodies and their place in the world can openly talk about sex with trusted and safe adults, understand what it means to be LGBTQ in some basic fashion and what to do when someone makes them feel threatened, making for poor targets. That’s not grooming; that’s teaching them basic self-defense. That’s teaching them the truth and the basics of reality.
I know a lot of supporters and people in the child abuse community don’t want to hear this, but I will not stand by while we practice things that make children less safe. Lacking knowledge about these topics does that. You’re not protecting them. You’re endangering them.
