I’ve been talking with someone about the topic of being touched in public, or by various people. I’m somewhat fascinated by what other people’s feelings are on the subject. I’m very uncomfortable being touched by all but a few people in the world, and I’ve slways assumed that’s because of the abuse. That short list of people who can touch me includes no men. That’s a pretty good indicator that it’s an abuse issue with me, but other people seem to vary from being very touchy feely to not liking it at all too. On the other hand, even the most touchy-feely people in the world get freaked out in some situations or being touched by some people, so it all seems rather unclear. What’s your feeling? Do you like being touched? Are there people who you would just rather not touch you? Places where it always innappropriate, like work? I’m just curious. 🙂
Mike – I think you have a very good line on why some people don’t like to be touched – but also I think it has to do with the way they were raised.
Some people grow up in households where the parents don’t show any affection for the other in the slightest – they grow up not knowing how two people in love should act, not knowing how to show affection.
Personally – I love to have my husband reach for my hand as we walk together, I love to have him lean over for a quick brush on the lips – but I find it very disturbing to see two people in public sucking the tongues out of each others heads – if that is due to the abuse I went through or if that is just modesty I don’t know…
I guess to get a good line on this question – you would need to have a poll of those who have been and those who haven’t been and review the results – might be an interesting theory to research.
I only came across your site today – I’ve only read two posts so far, but hey, I have to comment! 😉
I guess the questions of touching depends a lot on how a person was raised, but I guess it’s also a very “personal” thing (my sister doesn’t mind touching as much as I do).
I was raised in Italy, where touching and kissing and hugging is something you do an awful lot of – and you can often find youself being hugged by someone you’ve only just met. So on one side, I’ve always felt like I had to *let* people touch/hug/kiss me, because it was the socially accepted way to behave.
BUT my parents have never been the touchy-feely with each other or with us kids, probably because my mother is Japanese, and in Japanese culture touching (especially in front of other people) is a big no-no. So I can’t remember ever being kissed or hugged by my parents.
I guess I’m rambling on here, but to get back to the point, I don’t like it when people I don’t know, or even aquaintances, or even friends – touch me or hug me or get too close to me, even just by asking questions.
I guess I’m a lot worse after I was raped, so I guess abuse does come into it – I will freak if a man touches me or even just comes too close for comfort.
On the other hand I *LOVE* and can’t get enough of, being touched/hugged/kissed by the man I love. I just have this huge need to be held, to be close – to get all the hugs and kisses I never got as a child maybe?
i think that it is a mutual feeling between all ages of people and it’s a feeling that cannot be changed. in some rare cases it can but most likely not. i also feel that i thought you were very brave to tell the world how you feel about men..good for you!