Speaking of Real Life Friends

One further thought when it comes to talking about my story to friends. I mentioned that most of the time it’s not really about me, it’s about trying to determine the other person’s comfort level with the subject. I also talked about how writing here is completely different, because anyone who’s reading it, wants to read about it.

There’s one further nuance that I don’t quite understand, and which doesn’t fit with my current thoughts. I know there are some folks who I am friends with, and see on a regular basis, who have actually visited the site, some many times, and yet have never mentioned it to me. This would lead me to believe that there are folks who want to know about it, but who do not want to have to talk to me about it. At least that’s my best guess. If I’m wrong, I wish one of them would let me know. 🙂

Tags: Survivors, Friendship

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  1. M: From my own experiences, I don’t think what you are talking about is uncommon at all. It’s especially tricky in my case when dealing with family when the abuser is my (step) father (who is the father of my two half-siblings). My brother and sister seem to want to pretend there is nothing wrong in favor of having some type of “normal” family unit. I did find a book that brought a lot of the things you seem to be exploring to light. While it deals specifically with the family dynamic, you might take a peek at “Ultimate betrayal: the enabling mother, incest and sexual abuse” by Audrey Ricker (http://worldcat.org/oclc/72444727). A lot of the observations made by the author can be applied to the experiences of survivors relating to friends as well as family.


  2. i know what its like to be abuse i do i know what its like to talk about it the person treats you diffent after that like they dont know how to act or treat you i been abuse 4 of the 5 ways and it kills me inside but i know that there are more survivers out there and they need to know there not alone. i was abused for 8 1/2 years of my life im no longer being abuse and i am now 14 years old and living with a loving dad and my mom freaked out when i when to see her last but im here for her anyways its hard but im cort orderd

  3. Another interesting point. I have the same screen name on another forum, a couple of friends know it and have looked at the original post anyway- don’t know about the other 10 pages of it.

    Otherwise we act precisely the same when socialising or chatting online. The online chatters ask me when they ask me re abuse or point out stuff they think might be related to it but otherwise, no other talk from the face to face friends. They kept life normal for me during my bereavement too, and it’s a help all by itself. If I needed to talk about it then I could and it’s good to know that that’s there. They’ve accepted the abuse at the same time I have – that’s when they didn’t already have an inkling about it.

    It’s a big internet Mike, there are plenty of other places they can look in addition to your site. It links in to your previous post, perhaps these friends don’t want to think that they’re prying by asking you straight out and it’s good that they have that concern, I certainly didn’t before I disclosed.

    It might feel that they’re dancing around the subject somewhat, but like you sort of said before, both survivor and supporter need to have that comfort level where it can be discussed outside of a formal therapy situation. If they know and they’re cool with it and they’re still friends, then hey, that’s just fine.

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