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Playing Matchmaker for Survivor’s Significant Others

If you’ve been following the comments on this older post about support for spouses this weekend, you know that “Nikki” asked for some advice in being involved with an abuse survivor, and in response to my suggestion to find a professional to talk to herself, she asked that I keep her in the loop if others come to the site looking to talk to other significant others. Since, obviously, I’m a survivor, and not really dealing with issues from the same viewpoint as she would, I’m of limited use there. However, I know some of you are in similar situations, or know people who are. If you’re also looking for others to talk to about these issues, let me know and I’ll see if I can get you in touch with each other.

If there’s enough interest, I’d also be willing to moderate and host (though obviously not take a large, active, role) an email list for folks to talk about these issues. It’s easy enough to set that up on this domain, and I can “lock” it down to some extent to keep people as safe as possible from spam or just rudeness. If there’s interest, or if you know of another resource that is already has an active community of significant others, please share!

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    When it Comes to Abuse, Trafficking, and Violence, Do We Have a Race and Gender Problem?

    What I want to address, however, is how our society defines victims and how it leaves far too many people behind. The article above is a great example. How many people, if asked about sex trafficking, picture little white girls or women abducted from Target? Probably a lot. For many, the only information they’ve ever gotten about trafficking are warnings about Target or shopping mall parking lots from their Facebook friends. They don’t know how many teenage boys from broken homes, living in poverty, are pulled into being trafficked. How many gay youths, rejected by their families, fall victim to it? How many immigrant children here, with no parental supervision, are sold off by the people who should be protecting them from sexual slavery? 

    Those stories, even if they’re told, are not going to grab national headlines. They are not going to evoke world-wide outrage and sympathy. Those are things that happen to “other people”. We might even be tempted to start looking for reason why it’s their own fault, or at least the parents fault, right? 

    From a media perspective, we also have to keep this in mind. An abduction of a young white girl from her home, is a rare event. It’s actually newsworthy because it happens so rarely. When it happens, it’s shocking. A trans, minority, teen being coerced into selling themselves, with no one to turn to for protection, isn’t any of those things. A gay male teen being kicked out of their parents house and trying to make it through homelessness, is also not something that happens so rarely that there would be major news coverage of it. These things happen all of the time. So often, that they aren’t really news. 

    So, which group should we have support and services for? I’d like to vote for ALL OF THEM. But that will take educating people about the reality of who gets abused, who gets trafficked, and for us all to accept that it happens everywhere. Until we get there, and are willing to see all different types of people as victims, we will continue to fail one group or another. That’s not acceptable. 

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