It was the stories. It was all of those people doing this in memory of someone they lost. Or, like me, in memory of the fact that we are still here instead of leaving others to tell our stories. In our day to day lives, it’s too easy to forget how many people are impacted by suicide each and every year across the country, and the world. The further in time I get away from that time in my own life, the easier it can be to put it behind me and forget about it. But, that is something I never want to do. As painful as it is, I want to remember what it was like to no longer want to be alive. When someone is in that place, I want to be able to say, “I’ve been where you are”, to recall all of the details, and be able to sit and understand. Because that is how we save people. Not by talking in hushed tones about depression, or mental illness, but by sharing the stories of people who survived and healed, and of those we’ve lost.
Let’s face it, if you spend much time considering those losses, and listening to those stories, it is impossible to walk away without realizing that we have lost a devastating number of people to this disease. Many more than some of the diseases we all gladly talk openly about every day. Yet somehow, maybe because we don’t understand it, or are afraid of it, we keep silent. After all, it might make someone uncomfortable. Even I have, at times, kept the details to myself in fear of making other people uncomfortable, or risk having them worry about me. The more I read and heard these stories though, the more I realized that I needed to share my story, if only so that anyone who reads it would know, and maybe even understand a little bit, what it’s like to be so far down into the darkness of depression, that you don’t want to live any longer. So, with that said, let me share my experience with you, now that it’s been some 25 years, and maybe now people won’t worry so much about me. (Warning, this is about to get dark, and we will talk a bit about suicide, though I will keep those exact details out)
I read another article today that 50% of the child abuse websites in the world are US based and the primary reason is that police agencies move slowly to collect evidence. Therefore at least for a short time, government agencies knowingly allow abuse to go on. And this is the most responsive of cases–I’m thinking of cases where people are reluctant to ask questions because friends, family, or community organizations may be involved. I do not know — but the ongoing prevalence in USA, suggests to me that some portion of the population is programmed genetically to do horrible things. I do agree that more awareness is needed, but the guilty to seem to be in every nook of society–even police, judges, and most certainly lawyers. And this is sexual and violence type of abuse. But the mental type of abuse is still an emerging area. I think the majority of the population goes through some type of traumatic abuse and statistics far underestimate the victims. I don’t lessen the terrible nature of sexual child abuse, but with divorce at 50% rates, parental alienation is screwing up many many children. http://solanofamilycourt.com/?p=169 I personally think that the anti-social nature of society (don’t even know your neighbor) as in California will continue to be the trend and people simply protect themselves by isolation.