Child Holding head in their hands

Link – Effects of child abuse don’t start and end within the family

This quote fits in with some other things I have been linking to and commenting on recently. The sad realty that many children who grow up traumatized or neglected, tend to struggle as adults, but instead of seeing them as people who need support and help, we lose any sympathy we had for them when they were “defenseless children”. Somehow we expect abused children to turn into successful adults without any problems the second they turn 18. Life doesn’t work that way.

These sanitised images, used to portray child abuse and neglect without upsetting us, serve only to distort the true nature of the problem. These pictures create a false impression that the victims are perpetual children, frozen in time, just waiting for us to reach into the photograph and remove them from harm. As children, they receive unlimited sympathy and professed compassion from us, the compassionate public.

 

But the second these kids are legally culpable, our entire posture towards them changes. We adopt the role of the abusive parent or guardian, with a short temper and unrealistically high expectations. The moment they stop looking like children we collectively reject, exclude, punish and condemn them. When the truth, whether we want to accept it or not, is that in many cases, the neglected and abused kids, the unruly young people and the lousy, irresponsible, violent, drug-addicted parents are all the same person at different stages of their life; human beings, manufactured by poverty, scuttling on the conveyor belt toward complete social exclusion with the assembly line always – without fail – beginning in a dysfunctional home.

http://www.scotsman.com/news/opinion/darren-loki-mcgarvey-effects-of-child-abuse-don-t-start-and-end-within-the-family-1-4371677

Similar Posts

  • Sharing – How to Draw On Your Psychological Resources

    None of these things is going to “fix” the stress and anxiety we are all feeling, but they can build up the resources we need to face it and go forward. Developing these skills is an important part of dealing with difficulties, and for survivors, they are also an important part of healing. The more strength you have in these areas, the better prepared you are to heal and move forward.

    We often talk about the cup analogy, not being able to pour from an empty cup, but this article gives you really concrete ways to make sure your cup has something in it.

  • Sharing – Are you okay? The power of storytelling in mental health

    As I mentioned, in the workplace this is true. Very few people are going to feel safe talking about their own struggles if the leaders in the company never open up about their own at some level. But, it’s also true in our relationships as well.

    How many of us wish the people in our lives, spouses, kids, siblings, friends and loved ones, would feel comfortable talking to us about their struggles, yet we never share our own? How would they know that you are a safe person to talk to if you appear to never have any struggles?

    Let me give you a prime example from my own life. As many of you know, I worked from home before the pandemic started, and continued to do so all the way through 2020. It had very little impact beyond some lack of socializing, on my life, and so when I compared that to what many others were going through in 2020, I didn’t really want to complain about the things I was struggling with. Most people I did talk to, didn’t really talk about their own struggles either. Finally, however, when I wrote a post about not being OK right now, and shared it across my social media profiles, including LinkedIn, I got notes and messages from a ton of people, some who I haven’t even been in touch with in awhile, telling me about their struggles as well.

    I attribute that to two things. One, I know a lot of amazing people who see someone struggling and immediately set out to make sure I knew I wasn’t alone, and two, by sharing my own difficulties, I also provided them a safe place to share their own struggles.

    Isn’t that what it’s really all about?

    So, what are you struggling with that you have been hiding? What good is hiding doing for you?

  • Link – Taraji Henson Launches Foundation to Support Black Mental Health

    Good for her. This is an issue for all people, but from what I have been reading over the years, is especially stigmatizing in the black community. It shouldn’t be that way, anywhere. “Empire” actress Taraji Henson is launching a new foundation in honor of her late father. The Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation will raise…

  • Link – What to Know When You Love Someone With Depression

    There are a handful of things in here that would be good to remember if someone close to you is dealing with depression or some similar mental health issue. Much of it though comes down to the old maxim, “half of life is just showing up”. Just be there. Instead of avoiding someone who is…

  • Sharing – 11 myths about mental health

    Every once in awhile, though, these lists provide me with something that causes me to do a double take. Like this:

    “5. Only people without friends need therapists”

    Huh? Look, I have some great friends, who I love dearly. I even have some friends who are therapists, but none of those relationships is the equivalent of going to therapy

  • Sharing – Stress Management: An Act of Self-Love

    I know for me, stress management was both a big part of what I learned and worked on during therapy, and continues to be an important part of self-care. This is something worth considering: “In today’s society, the habitual way of dealing with stress is to fight, escape, avoid, or reluctantly put up with it,…

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

To respond on your own website, enter the URL of your response which should contain a link to this post's permalink URL. Your response will then appear (possibly after moderation) on this page. Want to update or remove your response? Update or delete your post and re-enter your post's URL again. (Find out more about Webmentions.)