Emotional intelligence is something that I struggled with while I was healing, and as I look around the child abuse survivor community, I think that struggle is common. All too often we never really learned these skills as kids, and are also usually really good at masking our emotions, even from ourselves. But, this can lead to problems as an adult, such as lashing out or simply issues with our own mental health. Luckily, they can also be learned:
Whether we like it or not, our feelings affect our thinking and behavior. Being out of touch with these feelings just means we’re at the mercy of them. So, it behooves us to get to know them better.
Our ability to understand and regulate our feelings is what psychologists often call “emotional intelligence.” Luckily, emotional intelligence isn’t a fixed commodity, but rather something we can build by learning what Brackett calls “emotion skills.”
I agree with what David wrote. When you aren’t even aware of your emotions, they can show up in your actions and thoughts in very unproductive ways. Learning these skills can help you avoid that, and as you learn more about emotions and they effects on behavior, you’ll also understand why other people sometimes act the way they do, and this can help you connect with them in healthier ways.
Take a look at the advice in this article, and let me know if any of it resonates with you.