I know this is something we talk about in the survivor community quite often because if you read Suzanne’s article in the link below you’ll see something quite interesting, the details of what she talks about in the opening paragraph:
When people hear encouragement about setting boundaries, it might be taken as a criticism of their behaviors or their tendency towards kindness. However, creating healthy boundaries doesn’t just solve an immediate problem of someone wanting more than you can give, it actually can re-shape how you see yourself, your relationships, and the people with whom you have built these relationships. When we create boundaries that reflect who we are and what we value, they can change our lives in a variety of ways
As I read her list of how boundaries can impact your life and relationships, I couldn’t help but hear all of the voices of survivors I’ve talked to, or communicated online with, and the struggles they have mostly because they don’t have healthy boundaries. Whether it be the people-pleaser who find themselves doing things they don’t want to, or the person who has an inability to trust others and doesn’t know how to be in a relationship at all, many of the things we struggle with can be directly tied back to the fact that we weren’t allowed to have boundaries as a child. We did not have autonomy over ourselves and our bodies, and if we don’t figure out how to set boundaries that work for us, and also respect others’ boundaries, these struggles will continue.
Healthy relationships have boundaries that are respected by everyone. Even if we didn’t see that growing up we can still learn to develop boundaries. Suzanne’s article is a good place to learn more.