I Started Healing When I Convinced Myself I was Safe Now, What About People Who Aren’t Safe?

It has long been a tenant of healing from childhood trauma when you feel unsafe, anxious, etc. that the best thing to do is ground yourself. Remind yourself that you are not a small child any longer and that you are not in that kind of danger.

You may not feel safe, but you are safe.

Personally, this was a skill I had to learn to prevent myself from dissociating. When I got overwhelmed it was important to remind myself that I was safe now. I wasn’t a child being held down by someone bigger than me, someone who could hurt me. I am an adult who is stressed. Those are two very different things.

But what if it’s not? I’m a fairly big, CIS, straight, white male. There are times when I might not be safe but they are few and far between.

That’s why this article by Casey Chaffin on the NAMI website was an important reminder to me. This is the reality for Casey as a member of the LGBTQ community, and I would imagine it is true of many oppressed groups. How do we tell someone in those communities to ground themselves in the reality that they are safe when they are not safe?

We Don’t Feel Safe.

• Nearly 1 in 3 LGBTQ young people said their mental health was poor “most of the time” or “always” due to anti-LGBTQ policies and legislation.
• Fewer than 40% of LGBTQ young people found their home to be affirming of their identity.

Because We Are Not Safe.

• 1 in 10 transgender adults report being pressured by a mental health professional to “stop being transgender.”
• Hate crimes against LGBTQ people rose 70% from 2020 to 2021.

I’ve seen similar statistics for groups like BIPOC, those with disabilities, and if you think women should just remember that they are safe ask the women in your life how often they are, in fact, not safe.

Casey calls out those of us who would say “love is love” and support our LGBTQ friends and family members without standing up and doing what we can to actually make this world safer for them. I’ll go one further. If we want to call ourselves mental health advocates and advocates for trauma survivors we need to do what we can to push for a world that is safe for everyone. We can’t heal when we don’t feel safe, and for too many people in this world, they have no reason to feel safe.

We need to advocate for a world that is safe for them too.