Sharing – How Safety and Success Intertwine in Childhood

Many of us who grew up with a parent dealing with substance abuse feel the same as adults:

Stephanie did what she needed, not only to stay safe physically, but also to adjust socially, emotionally, and psychologically. She learned to make things easy on her parents. To be the calm one. The easy one. The one who didn’t need anything, from anyone, ever. To deny her needs, then to disconnect from them entirely. To be fine, always – inside and out.

https://karahardin.substack.com/p/how-safety-and-success-intertwine

I talk about burnout at work often. Others often discuss the struggle of being a working parent and how that manifests in the burnout epidemic we are experiencing. Many of us would agree that the work culture in the US contributes to the problem more than it improves things. What I think is not spoken of often enough is how childhood trauma also contributes.

The things we learn in childhood stick with us until we learn something else. When you live in an environment like the one Stephanie grew up in, you know that the worst thing you could do is create a problem for someone else. Asking someone to help you, to put them out in any way, is not only bothersome, but it can often lead to violence. The eggshells Kara describes in the article are a visceral memory for me. I also vividly recall all the opportunities I didn’t take advantage of growing up, because they might have required me to ask for help from a parent.

Imagine taking that lesson to the workplace, a marriage, or adult friendships. There are a lot of people doing that exact thing without the opportunity to learn something else. There are other ways to live, but when you’re a child, that’s all you know. It takes time and healing to move beyond that.

How many people are taking this same lesson into adulthood?

More than you think – Millions of US children have parents with substance use disorder, and the consequences are staggering – new research