It’s the step where you can truly understand at the deepest level that what happened was not your fault. Many a survivor will say that without ever really feeling it, and you can tell because they will say that and immediately begin talking about how weak or needy they were as a child. As if that explains why they were abused, when in fact the only explanation necessary is that someone decided to abuse them.
You know, many of us are guilty of this. We like to suggest that people feel their emotions, but we never really define what that means. I enjoyed the article below because it talks specifically about what it’s not, fighting not to feel them, or feeding them so much that they swallow us whole.
These are all possible, they don’t require one person to fix things, which is where I suspect many of us get stuck. We want to support a loved one, or friend, who is struggling and in need of support, but that looks like a lot, probably more than we can handle. Frankly, it is more than you can handle, that’s why we all need the larger network. It only makes sense!
Heck, for me, these words were pretty close to exact quotes from the person who abused me. I wanted this because I’m bad, if anyone found out about it, or the way my body reacted, they would know who I really am and reject me. It’s part and parcel of being abused, believing this.
Of course, none of it is true, but when this is what your own mind tells you every single day for years and years? It’s not going away that easy, so maybe spend some time reading links like the one below about how to combat toxic shame.
