How many survivors have been told to stop talking about their abuse, to forgive their abuser, to coexist with their abuser, all in the name of family unity? I know too many who have found themselves sacrificed on the altar of this myth. They’ve been silenced, ignored, and suffered further trauma in the name of keeping the family peace so that their abuser can exist comfortably in the family.
We all deserve access to resources that would help us avoid becoming a danger to ourselves. These resources shouldn’t be limited to people like me, who are lucky enough to have family support to help cover the extra costs, and they shouldn’t require that we wait around for people to reach the point of needing to be hospitalized before we offer them any. That middle ground is full of people who deserve better.
This article makes clear that sibling sexual abuse is happening to kids all around us. It has been happening throughout history. We also know a lot about it if people are willing to listen. The article is long but well worth it to understand what the risks are, what to do when you find out about it, how to prevent it, and most importantly, understand that if you were sexually abused by a sibling, you are not alone.
It doesn’t have to be a grand purpose either, just something that makes you want to return each day. It can be wanting to learn something new, be there for the important days for a friend or family member, see what happens with Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, or whatever makes you want to get up the next day to be part of it. That moves us to healing, showing up for our lives each day. That, to me, is purpose. What keeps you here? What keeps you connected to other people?
Do more of that.
I have often said the best defense against childhood sexual abuse is raising kids who have open, supportive adults in their lives because they aren’t as vulnerable and easily manipulated. It turns out that those same relationships are also improving their mental well-being. Let’s do more of that.
The article below provides many more details, but similar to what I wrote earlier this week about taking a mental health day, boundaries are personal. How I decide to interact with my family may look very different from how other survivors do it. My boundaries have changed over the years. What they look like now is different from what they were when I was struggling more with my mental health as a younger man. I still have boundaries. I define them for myself every day.
You should, too. You can decide where your boundaries are and when they can be adjusted. You decide what is safe for you. You decide who is harmful to you.
