Sharing – 10 Signs You’re Healing From Childhood Trauma
The act of going from being silent and ashamed of your trauma to talking about it without shame is not something that just happens. It takes time, and it’s a step-by-step process. You won’t one day get out of bed ready to address 1,000 people and tell your story. You’ll find one person you feel safe enough with to share your story, probably shaking with nerves. You’ll be afraid of how they will react, you might even feel a little ashamed but you’re starting to realize that the shame shouldn’t be yours.
That’s a victory. That’s a step in the healing direction. Celebrate it instead of kicking yourself for not being ready to speak to a large audience. You can’t get there without these intermediate steps. So see them as signs of healing.
Shared Links (weekly) June 26, 2022
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3 people with serious mental illness share their pandemic journeys
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Why So Many Long COVID Patients Are Having Suicidal Thoughts
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Why Voices of Lived Experience are Vital to Mental Health Professionals
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7 Children’s Books That Explain Tragedies, News, and Difficult Topics
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Racial disparities in mental health care: An explainer and research roundup
Sharing – Man who suffered child sex abuse now helps other survivors speak out
For Jeremy, the abuse stopped, and then he went on with life seemingly without issue. Until later, when there was an issue. We assume that all survivors keep their secrets because they are ashamed, and many of us do. But there are also survivors who don’t “look” like abuse survivors, they go on with a relatively normal and successful life, until one day they don’t. Someone who looks like your abuser, a different overwhelmingly stressful situation, an inadvertent touch, or a smell, can all bring it rushing back into your consciousness.
This is another reason why people don’t tell until much later. They don’t really have a reason to, they seem to be “over it”, but they aren’t always really over it.
This is yet another example of survivors being unique individuals and the fact that how each of us is impacted can be different too. Just because another survivor has a different journey than you, doesn’t mean much in the end.
Sharing – Queer survivors of sexual abuse are frequently blamed for their own victimization
I’ve talked about this before. As a male survivor, I have spent years on this site dealing with people that simply assumed I was gay, for no other reason than the fact that I was abused by a male perpetrator. I’ve known plenty of other men who’ve been shunned because of a similar assumption, or the much worse assumption that survivors, especially male survivors or gay men, are likely to turn around and also sexually abuse others.
None of this is accurate. Yes, the abuse can leave you feeling unsafe and uncomfortable in your own body and with your own sexuality. That is a side effect of being raped sometimes. That is not something anyone should be ashamed to talk about and no matter where they land on the spectrum of gender and sexual preference they deserve the respect and privacy to figure that out themselves. None of us asked your opinion, and none of us want to hear about your own illusions of how sexuality works after being sexually abused at a young age.
The more mature attitude is to recognize that healing from sexual abuse is a process that looks different for everyone, whether they are gay, straight, bisexual, non-binary and any other thing you want to consider. We all deserve a better response than to be accused of bringing it upon ourselves.
Sharing – The Lies We Tell Ourselves About Our Worth and How I’ve Let Them Go
Orly’s first step to overcoming this was actually talking to someone about it. I cannot emphasize this enough. The shame we carry from childhood is all-consuming to us. It’s the secret we expend massive amounts of energy trying to hide and obsessing over. The things we feel shame about are the things that impact our day-to-day lives in adulthood.
And, for the most part, the shame we feel isn’t true. It’s not based in reality. Orly isn’t “not smart” any more than I am, and I do not deserve punishment any more than you. These are simply the stories we took away from our childhood.
This is also why that first reaction is so important. When we finally work up the courage to share our secrets, our shames, it’s painful to have them mocked or disbelieved.