Support

  • Sharing – Don’t Just Post About Supporting Those With Depression, Support Them

    ByMikeM Reading Time: 2 minutes

    John ends his post with an important message, one that I echo for sure because his story is something I’ve heard too many times. He talks about “reaching out” to people only to be dismissed. Being told “Oh you’re strong, you’ll get through this”, or that it’s not that serious, and then the struggle to reach out to a hotline or for professional help and be met with some short term strategies, and lack of available resources, etc. is how you “support” depression without really supporting the person in front of you dealing with depression.

    Just the other day I saw someone close to me talking about spending 45 minutes just trying to figure out how to set up an appointment with a therapist through the app her insurance has set up for her through her employer, before finally giving up.

    This is why we need reminders like this for the people we know, and why we need to remind the entire mental health care industry of this as well.

  • Sometimes Self-Care Isn’t About The Self

    ByMikeM Reading Time: 2 minutes

    I have heard Shelly Tygielski’s story before. Right at the start of the pandemic, she put together a sort of community-based mutual aid organization that was designed to match people in need with people who could help. She has now written a book about that experience and shared her mindfulness teachings. 

    I caught an interview piece/book review over on the Time website this week and I thought this is something that really makes a lot of sense, and might be something we need to think much more openly about when we encourage people to self-care.

  • Sharing – Validation Is Important in Supporting Trauma Survivors

    ByMikeM Reading Time: 1 minute

    It’s true, there are people all around you right now who have experienced horrific traumas in their lives, and the reason you don’t know is that they don’t feel safe talking about it. They’ve lived years, even decades, with this truth, only to be met with invalidating remarks like “Why can’t you just let it go?” or “you should be over that by now”, “it wasn’t that bad”, etc.

    When your trauma, the thing you are struggling to overcome, is met with that kind of response you aren’t going to rush out to talk about it, which is a shame because talking about it to people who can be validating to us is one of the best ways to actually heal from it and have it no longer dominate our daily lives.

  • What Does it Mean to Hold Space For Someone?

    ByMikeM Reading Time: 3 minutes

    For me, I’ve always viewed holding space in terms of that word, safe. When I hold space for someone I’m not solving their problem, or questioning them. I’m simply letting them be. Whatever that might look like at that moment, and I’m making sure that they are safe. It means making sure that being in my presence, either in person or virtually, is a place where they are free to cry, vent, question, or whatever form of expression is needed to help at that moment. It means being the person who is simply there, listening, offering support, but above all else, keeping them safe, physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.

    I also recognize how difficult that really is to do. Many of us weren’t raised to “hold space”, but to fix things. We see someone crying and our instinct is to fix, to do something to get them to stop crying, instead of simply giving them space to cry. Or we want to run out and correct instead of simply allowing people the space to tell their story safe from the worry of the person hearing it will overreact. This is so hard for us, we want to correct injustice, to fight for the people we care about, but sometimes by doing so, we eliminate their safe space to simply tell their story and stop listening to what they want from us. That is the opposite of holding space.

    How do you hold space for others, and for yourself?

  • Sharing – Smashing Stigmas: From The Perspective of a Partner

    ByMikeM Reading Time: 2 minutes

    Depression tells you that you are alone. Knowing that there are other people, lots of other people, also dealing with it helps. It also helps to have a constant reminder that someone is on your side in this and looking for ways to remind you that you are not alone. If someone close to you is dealing with depression, and feeling alone, the best thing you can do is just be in their corner, helping them find help and connecting them with other people who can be part of their support network.

    That’s how we fight back against something telling us we are alone.

  • Sharing – Toxic Positivity: Harmful or Helpful

    ByMikeM Reading Time: 2 minutes

    It’s the insistence that everyone around you also is positive all the time, demanding “Good Vibes Only” as the article points out, that worries me. Because people in real pain, social issues that cause real harm, etc. are not good vibes. When a team was winning gold medals, no one wanted to do more than focus on that success, and repeated stories of abuse went ignored. Is our constant need for positivity forcing us to ignore racism, homelessness, abuse, and many other social issues that we need to do more than give passing support to on social media?

    Maybe most importantly, are there people in our lives right now hurting, who desperately need our support, who we are ignoring because they bring us down?