Damaged Goods

I was reading Carolyn’s comment on that last post, and she used a term I’d been thinking about lately, “damaged goods.”

Are we, as child abuse survivors, damaged goods? To a certain extent, we are. Being victimized like that as a child leaves long-lasting impressions and issues. On the other hand, it’s not exactly a death sentence either. Many people have overcome the issues surrounding being a survivor and lived successful, happy lives.

The other thing about being “damaged goods” is that, to some degree, everyone over the age of 15 is. Everyone you meet comes with their baggage, whether from parental relationships, past romantic relationships, or just life in general. You will never meet anyone without a different perspective on life and the issues they are dealing with continuously. In a sense, we are all damaged goods.

This sense of being damaged goods most often comes up regarding romantic relationships. I’ve got news for you. If you’re looking for a partner with no baggage and no “damage” from previous relationships, you will spend a lot of time alone. And, if you’re afraid of talking about your past out of fear of being labeled “damaged,” fear not. All you’re doing is weeding out the people too shallow to be worth your time anyway. Go ahead and weed them out, and focus your energies on finding the people who not only don’t view you as damaged but recognize your great strength as a survivor.

We can all use more people in our lives, whether in romantic relationships or just friends, who see our positive traits and remind us of them.

Similar Posts

  • Private Hells

    I saw this post at Robert Scoble’s today, where he talks about the private struggles of people’s lives. Lives that you might be tempted to assume are quite perfect, but which really aren’t. It reminded me very much of why this blog exists. I spent so many years feeling like I was the only person…

  • |

    Why Did So Many Adults Minimize the Abuse in US Gymnastics?

    So, when I look at a highly successful program like US gymnastics, like Penn State football, like USA Swimming, like English Youth Football, etc. I think we can clearly see this. Why be such a downer, don’t you see how much good this program, and the people in it, are doing? It’s probably nothing, just some misunderstanding by over-imaginative kids. Nothing to worry about, look at the success we are having in the field, gym, or water. That’s what this is all about. That’s the important thing. The rest of this will pass.

    Except in the case of US Gymnastics, these ladies, and dozens of others, have not simply let it pass. They have remained steadfast in talking about it, making sure they can do everything they can to make sure it doesn’t happen to the next generation and reminding all of us that winning at all costs, is not worth the damage that is done to children who are sexually abused.

    They are truly resilient, like many of us who have survived sexual abuse, and gone on to talk about it, share our own stories, and live our adult lives. But never confuse that resiliency with how hard it really is to do. Never look at a survivor who has appeared to overcome their abuse, and assume that it’s ok to diminish what happened to them. It’s never easy, and for each one who might appear to have overcome, I’ll show you 5 who are still struggling every single day. You’ll find many of them in prison, or mental health care centers. Still dealing with the aftermath of their childhood trauma without access to the same support and resources that we lucky few have had the privilege to have. Yet they are all human beings, and they were all children once, children who had to suffer at the hands of adults who were more interested in their own pleasures, comfort, and place in their society than they were to consider the damage being done to these children.

    Don’t be one of those adults. There are many ways to abuse a child. Larry Nassar did and is paying for his crimes, finally. But there were a whole lot of other adults who abused these girls, by not taking it seriously, not investigating, and not caring enough about them as human beings to protect them. Make no mistake about that.

  • | |

    The Importance of Just Listening

    The people who helped me, and continue to help me, are the ones who will ask me questions and then just listen. They want to hear my story, even though they can’t fix it. They know that they can help by just giving me a space to tell my story, without worrying about the need to fight off their attempts at fixing something that may or may not be relevant at all to my situation. (i.e. I’m glad your cousin felt better after a walk in the forest, but that’s not what is happening here!) 

    So please, just listen. Make the space around you, even if it’s virtual, a safe space for your friends and loved ones to tell their stories. Find small ways to help, if you can, but also know that by just listening, just sitting with our stories, you are already helping so much.

4 Comments

  1. Hi Mike

    “damaged goods”, my wife, keepers, used to use that term to describe themselves. It took me a long time to convince them they were only as damaged as they allowed themselves to be. They have grown and survives and are well on their way to thriving. We all have damaged parts of ourselves, from whatever, how we survive that damage via damage control is so determining on where we go from that point on. You sound like you are surviving and thriving!! congratulations to you and for putting that message out there.

    Peace and blessings

    john and keepers
    http://www.keeperskorner.com

  2. Another insightful post, Mike! Yes, damage has occurred. There is no denying that. Yet, as I have healed, I choose to think of myself as other than “damaged goods” or “broken.” An affirmation I like to use often states, “I am WHOLE.” I like the sound of that a lot!

  3. Hey Mike,

    Found your site recently… didn’t know there were others who were able to talk lucidly about their experiences – I started my own earlier this year, but don’t really know what to expect from it, why I’m doing it, etc.

    just a thanks to know that you’re out there, like me, writing about what goes on for us. I’ve only recently found out about my abuse so it’s early days and very, very difficult to get my head round what it really means.

    Thanks again

  4. No victim of child abuse will EVER live a happy life. Somewhere deep down inside, they will always be depressed. They’ll just appear to be happy to everyone else.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Your post must include a link to this post.

How does this work?
Write a response on your own website and include a link to this post. Then submit your response’s URL here. Your response may appear here after moderation. To update or remove it, edit or delete your original post and submit the same URL again. Learn more about Webmentions.