Hate or Indifference
One of the more interesting quotes I have been reminded of recently is that the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. As I think about my healing, I realize that much of my healing occurred after I moved from hating the people who hurt me as a child, to indifference about them. I spent much time and energy trying to prove something to them, or be more than they led me to believe I was, but I really could never do that. Not until I simply didn’t care any more about them.
That indifference freed me to work only on my behalf, for my own purposes and goals, towards my own happiness. I don’t really spend much time thinking about those people, in fact, even when they are mentioned to me, I simply don’t care at all. I’ve got my own life to live.
How about you, does reaching that point of indifference change the way you go about healing?
The indifference came after the police report, prior to that I got a flash of anger. Outside of nightmares, I don’t think about my attacker much either anymore.
For me this was a huge key in taking back my power. Hating the perpetrator still gave them power over me as they were still influencing the way I thought and felt and lived. Reaching a place of indifference meant I was no longer living the life they set out for me. It meant taking back my power. Like you said, I’ve got my own life to life – and it is not controlled by hatred for another person!
Just found your blog and looking forward to reading more 🙂
I think it is true about the hate and the indifference. I have gotten to that place of indifference with some people surrounding my abuse, but not all of them. Lots of conflicts in my emotions on this subject!
thanks for posting about this, mike. this is something i really need to learn how to do…and your post gave me new insight on it.
right now i am still so full of hate and anger it seems i’ll never get to the indifference stage, but i sure hope i can.
Two years ago, I wrote my parents (former abusers) a letter telling them that I was giving up searching for their love. As an abused child and heck, just a child in general, I did everything I could to earn their love, approval, and acceptance, only to meet rejection. There’s an amazing part inside you that will have you return to that well out of hope again and again. That is resilience. But when the well keeps coming up dry, and you don’t get what you need, there’s a change that eventually happens over time.
When you stop returning (to parents/abusers/etc) to pump a dry well for what you think you deserve or need from them, it’s freeing in a way. I no longer return to that well. I remind myself that it is dry. It was yesterday. It will be today. It’s a matter of logic, and not emotion anymore. To me, that’s the indifference you speak of.