Michael left a comment and asked an interesting question:
Question for you: in order to sort of immunize myself from being an abusive person (you know that victims often become victimizers — scary but common statistic) what are the best steps?
I had been verbally abusive and nearly physically abusive to my ex-spouse and baby daughter, and even though everything is literally amazing right now with the two of them, I just want to keep taking steps to make sure I’m okay and they’re okay.
I don’t want to “fall asleep on the job” just to have the wrong set of circumstances set me off. What are some links to some preventative medicine against becoming an abuser.
I suppose just being part of a community of people who understand helps. People to talk with who will understand and stand by you. Know of anything like that?
It’s been a couple of days since he left this comment and I haven’t responded yet. Part of that was just being busy, but part of it was also a desire to mull it over a bit. I’m still not really sure how to answer his question, simply because I’m a bit vague on the concept, to be honest.
Not that I haven’t seen the same statistics and have a general understanding of why the stats are what they are. But from a personal perspective, I really have no idea. All the rage, anger and hatred that came from my own abuse was always directed inward. I never considered myself a threat to other people around me, I was a threat to myself first and foremost. I’ve never been one to lose my temper in public, or throw violent fits. I’ve been one to self-destruct in private. 🙂
That being said, the rage and anger is similar and I can only imagine that the same things that have helped me learn not to be self-destructive would help someone stay “on the job”, as it were, regarding being abusive towards other. Namely, learning how to accept myself, and how to accept life. Learning that there are very few things in life that I can control, and that I should concentrate on those rather than frustrating myself trying to control things that cannot be, learning how to make healthy decisions, and learning how to be happy with my life. Those are the things that keep me balanced, and awake on my own job. What other ideas have you guys got?