As I’m sure you all know, I’m very interested in the idea of leveraging technology when it comes to spreading the word about child abuse, whether that be by getting the facts out in the open, or making sure that survivors know they are not alone. That’s why I have this site. That’s also why when I was listening to an episode of a tech podcast called Valid Syntax the other day, and heard Kreg mention a show called Missingalert.com that I jotted down a note to take a look at that. Well, tonight I finally did that, and found a very interesting idea. Using all sorts of new technology, including a PC-Desktop alerter, website modules, audio and video podcasts, to spread the word about missing children. As you know, you never know who is going to come in contact with a missing or abducted child. The more people are aware that someone’s missing, the more likely those random chance sightings can turn into a child being home. I like the idea of trying to leverage new technologies to make that happen. (Obviously, I have the amber alert bar at the top of this site, so it’s something I support. I may just have to look at adding this, or at least grabbing the video podcast.
Ken from NursingSchools.net was kind enough to send me an email informing me that this blog was included in their 40 Excellent Blogs for PTSD Support. I’m touched that they thought this little blog of mine was worthy of being included, and I highly encourage you to go take a look at he whole list….
Something else interests me about grief though and that is the grief that child abuse survivors have because it’s complicated. We aren’t grieving a person we’ve lost, we’re grieving something we never had. A safe, happy childhood or a loving parental relationship that didn’t exist. The lack of any kind of family bonds as an adult, or the inability to trust anyone. Those are things we can, and should, grieve. Often we aren’t given the chance to do that. Other people expect us to “put it behind us” because it was a long time ago. We may even convince ourselves that the best option is to suck it up and forget it, no reason to think about any of that. But, I think there’s a reason to grieve the things we didn’t have as children. They are very real losses. They have very real impacts on our brains and our emotional well-being. We can’t change it now, but we can allow ourselves the freedom to feel grief over it. It’s part of the process.
Each year, around the Thanksgiving Holiday in the US, I try and write something about thankfulness and remind survivors that no matter what, we all have something to be thankful for, even if it’s just that we are still here, surviving, with hope for the future. This year, however, I’ve been struggling with the idea,…
Just like in sports though, sometimes it’s not about how the world works, or what mistakes we made, it’s about the other team. In our case, it’s the abuser. They did this. Healing is understanding that, and coming to grips with the fact that our lens is wrong. We’re looking at someone else’s actions and choices through a lens that only sees ourselves. We were abused, maybe when we told someone, we weren’t believed, or maybe even as adults, when we share our experiences we make others uncomfortable. But it’s not us. Other people get to make their own choices, have their own reactions, and choose who, and what, to believe.
What we need to do, is start untying other people actions and reactions, from ourselves. The abuser chose to abuse. The people who refused to help, made that choice, and the people who still don’t believe us, have their own reasons for doing that. None of it has anything to do with us, those are other people making their own choices, playing their own game. We can do everything right, live our life to the best of our abilities and still “lose” in these interactions. It happens. It doesn’t lessen us, it shows us who these other people are, and tells us about their agendas.
We learn from that, and move on. We do not blame ourselves for their agendas.
It does take developing a more mature lens to view life through, and that takes time, and work. Are you up for it? Or maybe the better question, are you tired of blaming yourself?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea, ever since I first heard about Darryl Kile’s death. Darryl apparently died of heart disease. He was 5 months younger than I am. You just don’t think about people 33-34-35 years old dying suddenly because of heart failure, but it does happen. For me, being right there…