What to Say

I saw this advice about what to say to someone who’s currently unemployed on the Manager Tools blog this week, and it reminded me very much of how I felt after I had a fugue episode and was in therapy and on medication.

Paul went on to say that since he left his job, it’s the only thing many people talk about with him. He wants to have a conversation about football, wine or cigars, and it seems that no-one can get past the fact he has lost his job. So if you do know someone who is in a similar position, feel free to discuss last nights X-Factor, the basketball scores or your vacation. He’s still human and still wants to connect with you.

People had a hard time just being around me, feeling like they were supposed to say something, when all I really wanted was for them to talk to me the same way they did before this happened. If I needed to talk about what was going on, how therapy was going, what the issues were, etc., there were people I could do that with. I didn’t need, or want, everyone to do that. I just wanted someone I could watch a game with, or shoot a few hoops with and get away from the therapy work. I was already spending lots of time and energy on that. I needed my friends to simple be there and continue to be my friends like they were before.

Unfortunately, very few people could do that.

Similar Posts

  • |

    Grief is Hard, and Long

    Something else interests me about grief though and that is the grief that child abuse survivors have because it’s complicated. We aren’t grieving a person we’ve lost, we’re grieving something we never had. A safe, happy childhood or a loving parental relationship that didn’t exist. The lack of any kind of family bonds as an adult, or the inability to trust anyone. Those are things we can, and should, grieve. Often we aren’t given the chance to do that. Other people expect us to “put it behind us” because it was a long time ago. We may even convince ourselves that the best option is to suck it up and forget it, no reason to think about any of that. But, I think there’s a reason to grieve the things we didn’t have as children. They are very real losses. They have very real impacts on our brains and our emotional well-being. We can’t change it now, but we can allow ourselves the freedom to feel grief over it. It’s part of the process. 

  • Social Media and Mental Health – Stop Comparing

    So much about social media is fake, yet we all make the mistake of comparing what we do privately to what other people post for public consumption. This book, while dark at times, is reminding me that everyone is fucked up and anxious about something. #mentalhealth #socialmedia #anxiety A post shared by Child Abuse Survivor…

  • Quick Thought #14 – When it’s Someone You Know, You Know.

    Why do I see these two things as related? Well. let’s start with Sean Astin. It’s hard not to think that he has lived an amazingly privileged life. He’s been famous since he was a little kid, after growing up part of Hollywood royalty. If anyone has the means to shelter himself away from the harder topics of life, he’s one of those people. But he chooses not to, because he’s seen first hand what it is like to life with, and love someone with, mental health issues. That experience drives him to advocacy. He wants to share what it was like, and help others watching a mental health condition tear apart their own family.

    In short, he gets it because he knows.

    The same seems to be true when it comes to how serious COVID-19 really is. It seems to me there are a lot of people thinking it’s not very serious because well, no one they know has died or anything serious. 130,000 “other people” have died in the US. On the other hand, there are those of us who do know people who’ve died, or spent time hospitalized, tend to take it very seriously. Because we know. We’ve seen it. We’ve grieved because of it.

  • Small Wins

    I was having an email conversation with a friend the other day. We were talking about whether making small changes, maybe even relatively superficial ones, can lead to bigger changes. My feeling is that they absolutely can. It’s easy to look at the big picture of our lives, and decide that doing something small won’t…

One Comment

  1. I wish for this too. I keep finding myself answering questions about me instead of hearing about life outside of me. Even when I turn the conversation back to the other, maybe it seems like an obligation to be focused on my problem(s). It’s more exhausting for me. The best time I had in ages was just listening to others talk at my SO’s family gathering at Thanksgiving. It was nice to laugh and just hear about everyday life. Thanks for sharing this post.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

To respond on your own website, enter the URL of your response which should contain a link to this post's permalink URL. Your response will then appear (possibly after moderation) on this page. Want to update or remove your response? Update or delete your post and re-enter your post's URL again. (Find out more about Webmentions.)