How We Make It Harder For Kids to Tell

I was dismayed, though not surprised at all, when I saw a number of Facebook users and pages link to an article about an inmate convicted of child molestation being murdered in prison.

The posts were, for the most part, followed by near unanimous comments celebrating the death of a pedophile.

Look, I get it. I don’t have sympathy for the guy either. But we have to seriously think about what we want to accomplish when it comes to dealing with pedophiles, and the message we are sending to kids. Here are some facts:

  • We know children are most likely to be abused by someone they know and trust, someone who is either part of their family or a close friend of the family.
  • We know the abuser is more than likely going to groom the child, and the family, in order to create a bond with the child.
  • We know abusers are manipulative, and use that bond to convince children not to tell, because it would cause bad things to happen.
  • We know Stockholm syndrome is a very real thing.
  • We know these kids have been traumatized and the only way to encourage more children to speak up about what is happening to them is for them to feel safe in telling.
  • We know most abused children do not tell anyone because they don’t feel safe.

So how is running around talking about how anyone who abuses a child deserves to be killed in horrible ways going to help a child feel safe and secure about telling? Are we not handing an abuser a manipulation tool to be used against our own kids? (“Look if you tell, your parents will kill me, and you don’t want to be the cause of someone’s death, do you?”)

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Lastly, wouldn’t that death just be adding more trauma onto kids who have already been traumatized enough?

Hey we know you were abused and you’re going to have a hell of a time dealing with everything that goes along with that, so in the name of “justice”, we’re going to go out and kill the sicko and then let you go ahead and add the guilt of someone’s death to your therapy bill, cool?

I’m not going to get into a disagreement over what is “just” and “fair”. That’s not my concern, and it shouldn’t be yours. Our concern should be what is the best way to help this child get help and heal. Adding more trauma doesn’t do that!

7 Responses

  1. Tracie

    YES!! I agree with you so much, and my husband and I have had many conversations about this topic. I think those kind of statements are things that make some adults feel very good, but they don’t accomplish anything positive, and they DO send very mixed and dangerous messages to kids who might be considering how to speak out and ask for help.

  2. Roshni

    Truly a very valid point that I personally didn’t think of! It is true that often the abuser is a known person of the family or a friend, and that the outcome could be so horrific would only exacerbate the trauma of the child!

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