Our Messy Character

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Most survivors, and I would imagine most folks who deal with any sort of mental illness, especially depression, tend to have issues with our own views of ourselves. We imagine that every person we come in contact with is examining us, observing every mistake we make, or flaw in our character and passing judgement based on those.

In reality though, most people are so worried about how they come across, they don’t even notice our flaws.

Think about this advice I came across today in an article about dealing with short-notice guests in your home:

Everybody assumes that other people are far more observant than they really are. That’s why Jennifer Hunter at Apartment Therapy suggests you don’t draw attention to things unless you have to:


NEVER apologize for the state of your home. You’ll only point out what they probably would never have noticed anyway.

Read that again. “Everybody assumes that other people are far more observant than they really are”

Now think about how much time we spend worrying about how we appear to other people, who are not as observant as we think they are. The truth is, we all have flaws, we all make mistakes, and we are all self-centered to one degree or another. Stop worrying about, or apologizing for, your own self-defined shortcomings, because chances are you’re only bringing attention to something that no one noticed, and didn’t care all that much about anyway. Be yourself, and be confident that the person on the other end of your conversation, is just as flawed as you are, even if you don’t notice their flaws.

You do not need to apologize for being who you are, and where you are, in your healing. The only people who are being that observant and judgmental about you are people you probably don’t want in your life anyway.

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  1. People who were the Children of Abuse constantly worry about what others might think of them. This article explains in simple words the fact that most are too busy with their own issues to really pay that much attention to us. Our struggle to “keep up” is a symptom of our inability to let go of our feelings of guilt that we must have somehow been at fault. The truth is and always has been: We did nothing wrong.

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