It’s OK to Just Enjoy Something For Yourself

I came upon this idea later in life than some of you may have. Thanks to an abusive childhood and a fairly demanding church involvement in my teens and twenties, I was about 30 when I finally gave myself the freedom to take on a hobby just because I enjoyed it.

For me, I grew up never feeling good enough or worthy. I needed someone else to tell me it was OK to do something, or, heaven forbid, to spend money on something just because I liked it. My role as a child was to be the peacekeeper and people-pleaser. That made me an obvious target for abuse since I was reluctant to tell anyone or do anything that might upset others.

In my late teens, I got involved in a church community where taking time or money to do something for myself was considered somewhat selfish. I was forgoing an opportunity to be in a community with other church members or to reach out to non-church members if I wanted to spend too many evenings reading fiction or playing a sport for fun. No, you could only do those things with the group if the group was interested. Again, since I had lived my whole life up until then believing that I didn’t deserve to do something just for myself anyway, it was too easy for me to fall in line and feel guilty for enjoying something without a higher purpose. Those higher purposes became my way of getting someone else to tell me it was OK to do something.

I was reminded of this yesterday while browsing a photography site—specifically, a video arguing that you don’t need to share your photos.

The thought was that you didn’t need someone else’s permission to be interested in photography. However, that was another lesson I took way too long to learn: you can take a photo just because you like it, rather than worrying about how people on social media might react to it.

I, for one, feel like we’ve entered this odd world of social media, where we are all living and creating for an audience, when that shouldn’t be what living is about. I see it with hobbies like photography, where you only shoot to appease the social media demands instead of just doing something you love for its own sake, and I see it even in the ways we practice self-care. We seek out the experiences we can then turn around and brag about on social media, whether they are effective for us or not. I’m guilty of this, too. How many times do I consider the “shareability” of a given activity before doing it, or avoid talking about activities that are hugely helpful for my self-care but that don’t fit the social media norms? I’ll admit it, it’s too often. Far too often. Running errands, getting a haircut, having my eyes checked, getting new glasses, or binge-watching Law & Order reruns with my wife on a Sunday afternoon might not be highly engaging stories to share on social media. Still, they help me take care of myself. They are my self-help.

So do the things that make you happy. Do the activities that help build you up and give you the energy to go on with your life, no matter what they are or whether people on Instagram will applaud you for them. Please do it for yourself because you deserve it, and you are not required to get anyone else’s permission to do things you enjoy.

Your enjoyment and happiness are enough.