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Paying too much attention to yourself?

A friend of mine, Kevin Donohue, posted something rather personal over the weekend that I thought was very interesting. Kevin talked about what life has been like since his heart attack, and while it’s been necessary, it’s not a great way to life long term.

Since that day in April, I’ve been spending an awful lot of time listening to my own body and my own emotions. To continue the bad metaphors… I’ve been living alone in a cave, with every anxiety magnified by echoes like drips of water. I’ve been so fixated on myself, that I stopped paying attention to anyone else.

I found it an interesting parallel to what I was recently talking about in terms of reaching a point where you spend less time looking at the past, and more looking toward the future. Anyone who has started the on the path to healing from child abuse knows that, at first, there’s a whole lot of looking inward. That’s necessary, and good for the long term. Eventually, however, you do have to find a certain happy medium. Like Kevin’s physical health, you have to pay some attention to what is going on inside ourselves. We have to pay attention to what our bodies are telling us, what our emotions are telling us, etc. That is a big part of taking care of ourselves, something we all need to do.

On the other hand, it’s really easy to stop there and never get past that. Kevin sees that now, how being completely focused on your self goes a bit beyond taking care of yourself. It can be quite the hindrance to existing relationships, let alone helping grow new ones.

The key is balance. You guys know I would never advise not taking care of ourselves, and paying attention to the things we need to pay attention to. We absolutely should, but not to the detriment of the people around us. Having healthy, good, relationships is an important part of being healthy too, we should be paying plenty of attention there too!

Good luck Kevin, with finding your balance!

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    Why Did So Many Adults Minimize the Abuse in US Gymnastics?

    So, when I look at a highly successful program like US gymnastics, like Penn State football, like USA Swimming, like English Youth Football, etc. I think we can clearly see this. Why be such a downer, don’t you see how much good this program, and the people in it, are doing? It’s probably nothing, just some misunderstanding by over-imaginative kids. Nothing to worry about, look at the success we are having in the field, gym, or water. That’s what this is all about. That’s the important thing. The rest of this will pass.

    Except in the case of US Gymnastics, these ladies, and dozens of others, have not simply let it pass. They have remained steadfast in talking about it, making sure they can do everything they can to make sure it doesn’t happen to the next generation and reminding all of us that winning at all costs, is not worth the damage that is done to children who are sexually abused.

    They are truly resilient, like many of us who have survived sexual abuse, and gone on to talk about it, share our own stories, and live our adult lives. But never confuse that resiliency with how hard it really is to do. Never look at a survivor who has appeared to overcome their abuse, and assume that it’s ok to diminish what happened to them. It’s never easy, and for each one who might appear to have overcome, I’ll show you 5 who are still struggling every single day. You’ll find many of them in prison, or mental health care centers. Still dealing with the aftermath of their childhood trauma without access to the same support and resources that we lucky few have had the privilege to have. Yet they are all human beings, and they were all children once, children who had to suffer at the hands of adults who were more interested in their own pleasures, comfort, and place in their society than they were to consider the damage being done to these children.

    Don’t be one of those adults. There are many ways to abuse a child. Larry Nassar did and is paying for his crimes, finally. But there were a whole lot of other adults who abused these girls, by not taking it seriously, not investigating, and not caring enough about them as human beings to protect them. Make no mistake about that.

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