Similar Posts
Sharing – Red Flags of child sex abusers from an ex-child abuse detective
We’ve spent so much time looking at lists like this one, looking for the bad people, and that is absolutely part of abuse prevention. Still, we’ve missed the boat on what might be the most significant tool in our prevention toolkit, taking the target off kids by connecting with them as parents and with other trusted adults—helping them be less vulnerable.
Kids who don’t have secrets make terrible targets for abusers. Kids with support and secure relationships aren’t easily manipulated and aren’t too eager to please adults.
We need our kids to be more of that, starting with having close relationships with the safe adults in their lives.
Sharing – Queer survivors of sexual abuse are frequently blamed for their own victimization
I’ve talked about this before. As a male survivor, I have spent years on this site dealing with people that simply assumed I was gay, for no other reason than the fact that I was abused by a male perpetrator. I’ve known plenty of other men who’ve been shunned because of a similar assumption, or the much worse assumption that survivors, especially male survivors or gay men, are likely to turn around and also sexually abuse others.
None of this is accurate. Yes, the abuse can leave you feeling unsafe and uncomfortable in your own body and with your own sexuality. That is a side effect of being raped sometimes. That is not something anyone should be ashamed to talk about and no matter where they land on the spectrum of gender and sexual preference they deserve the respect and privacy to figure that out themselves. None of us asked your opinion, and none of us want to hear about your own illusions of how sexuality works after being sexually abused at a young age.
The more mature attitude is to recognize that healing from sexual abuse is a process that looks different for everyone, whether they are gay, straight, bisexual, non-binary and any other thing you want to consider. We all deserve a better response than to be accused of bringing it upon ourselves.
