Vicki wrote this post in July, but for whatever reason, it just came into my world this week. It reminded me of something that I remember being a huge turning point in therapy for me:
“My right to think for myself and make my own decisions was hard-earned, and I am determined to put it to use. I wish it came with more clarity. Perhaps what I really need to do is give myself permission to actively seek an identity and purpose, rather than feel pressured to have it all figured out.”
It was that permission, that moment where it wasn’t about figuring it all out, but knowing that it was up to me to decide what it could all look like, and to get it wrong, and tweak it as I went along, etc. Most importantly, it was understanding that no one else got to say what it should look like.
Over the years, I still don’t know that I have it all figured out. It has changed. I’ve allowed myself to be open to new people and new experiences, and as I have, I’ve found things that I want to add to my life, and things I didn’t necessarily feel a need to add. I liken it to a social media feed. When I find someone or a page that seems like a good fit to learn from or be encouraged by, I add it. If it’s not doing those things, I don’t follow it any longer.
I’ll never have it all figured out, but I have figured out to just keep the things that make life better, and that I’m the one who gets to define that.
There’s a lot of power and freedom in that. Power and freedom can look an awful lot like healing too.