Sharing – The Hidden Cost of Having It All Together

How shame turns achievers into islands

https://taraschuster.substack.com/p/the-hidden-cost-of-having-it-all

It always comes back to shame. As a survivor of child abuse, I know how shame kept me silent and isolated for years. Even after that, the self-imposed pressure to have it all together creates a similar level of isolation because I’m afraid that I don’t have it all together, and I can’t allow anyone to see that.

I’m going to let you all in on my secret. I rarely feel like I have it all together. I know many of you are in the same boat. We go to work and pretend like we do, and maybe this is why we all feel like we have impostor syndrome, too, because we don’t always feel the same as the people who always seem to have it together.

I bet you can think of two or three people you interact with every week that you consider to have it all together. I’d also bet that if we could get inside their minds, they don’t feel like they do, just like the rest of us.

Tara admits to feeling better after sharing her secret shame. There’s a lesson there. We should be able to acknowledge when we don’t have it all together, and we should stop expecting each other to live up to that standard.

That’s how real connection happens.

Leave a comment, or share this with your friends if you need to share your struggle. We’re in this together.