These are all possible, they don’t require one person to fix things, which is where I suspect many of us get stuck. We want to support a loved one, or friend, who is struggling and in need of support, but that looks like a lot, probably more than we can handle. Frankly, it is more than you can handle, that’s why we all need the larger network. It only makes sense!
Of course, using this same defense mechanism in later life can be a problem, and when your brain has used this as a sort of “last resort” choice to survive, that might also mean that your memory of the event isn’t what others would like it to be. That’s OK, it helped you survive, that is the important thing. The rest is irrelevant if you don’t survive, so we are glad about that. Once you’ve survived, we can work on the rest of it.
Read more about the what, why, and how of dissociation at the link below.
There isn’t a week that goes by that I don’t read a story in the news, or on social media that follows a similar path.
Child abused by a family member
The child tells someone in the family
The child isn’t believed or is accused of trying to embarrass the family.
Or, the child tells someone outside of the family
The child isn’t believed, or the person doesn’t want to make trouble for the parents.
In my experience all of that is true. The trauma of my childhood left me numb in early adulthood. The current pandemic and all of the other things going on around us every day have left me numb from time to time now. It’s the overwhelming stress that just living every day can bring right now. So, I find myself doing some of the things recommended in the article below to help in the short term, while also knowing that if that doesn’t work, I need to consider the long-term options as well.
I, obviously, agree. Awareness is great. Ending stigma, and having a crisis resource is great. It’s also not enough. What are we doing after the immediate crisis to prevent the next one, or to provide treatment and resources for all of the people who aren’t getting any now? What are we doing to accommodate people in the workplace who need to see a therapist on the regular, or need to be medicated and have some accommodation made? What are insurance companies doing to make sure mental health coverage is on par with physical health coverage, and who is enforcing the law when it isn’t? What are we doing to support families and loved ones who are doing their best to support people dealing with mental health issues?
As long as there are still so many not getting the help they need, the obvious answer to all of these questions is, not enough.
This is an Australian-based resource, but in honor of the upcoming RUOK day for my Aussie friends, I wanted to share it.
In addition, the tips they give for how to ask if someone is OK, and how to respond, are useful to anyone, everywhere.
